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July 26, 2004

Donate to Ace of Spades HQ Or I'll Shoot This Sandwich

As you're probably aware, the costs of caring for and feeding a foul-mouthed, sex-crazed time-traveling bologna sandwich have skyrocketed in recent months.

I can't keep paying for Johnny Coldcuts' upkeep out of my own pocket. Bailing him out of the drunk tank every weekend is putting me into the poor house.

And, as you know, he's not even pulling his weight. He tells me he's still "researching" his long-anticipated What's Your Beef? advice column. His "research" seems to chiefly involve setting a course record on Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 and dialing up phone-sex services.

My nights are haunted by the patter of golf-claps and screams of "Give me the Dijon, you dirty, dirty whore!"

Don't donate to Andrew Sullivan. He's a cheesedick. Donate to me, or I swear, I'm going to put this perverted bologna sandwich down. I'm just crazy enough to do it.

I want to live. I want to live, damnit!
I'm pleading for your charity and mercy, fuckface!

Photo Credit: Used with permission of Enjoy Every Sandwhich. "Sandwich for Skippy" pic created by Zombie and Rowan.

posted by Ace at 04:00 PM

| Access Comments


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His "research" seems to chiefly involve setting a course record on Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 and dialing up phone-sex services. My nights are haunted by the patter of golf-claps and screams of "Give me the Dijon, you dirty, dirty whore!" Don't donate to Andrew Sullivan. He's a cheesedick. Donate to me, or I swear, I'm going to put this perverted bologna sandwich down. I'm just crazy enough to do it. I want to live. I want to live, damnit! I'm pleading for your charity and mercy, fuckface! Photo Credit: Used with permission of Enjoy Every Sandwhich. "Sandwich for Skippy" pic created by Zombie and Rowan. posted by Ace at 04:00 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments steevy: "Good for the Village People, they took a lot of sh ..." Diogenes: "That's wonderful! Best decision our family ever ma ..." Rodrigo Borgia: "> 376 Rumors abound that Fetterman is leaving dem ..." 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