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Water Hazard Cafe Quick Hits After Democrat Senators Tillis, Cassidy, Collins, Murkowski, McConnell, and Linsdsey Graham Balk, Trump Withdraws Ed Martin from Consideration for US Attorney from DC Asked About His Steep Cognitive Decline on Propaganda Yenta Show The View, Biden Babbles Incoherently and Needs His Wifenurse to Step In Bernie Sanders on Using Expensive Private Jets -- Paid for by Billionaire Pals -- While "Fighting the Oligarchy:" "You Want Me to Wait in Line at United With 30,000 People?" Mark Halperin: A Source "Very Familiar With the Bidens" Tells Me That Biden, Inc. Is Going Broke as the Graft Spigots Have All Been Turned Off American Pope Elected, Robert F. Prevost; He's Addressing the Crowd The Indian Army Announces the Death of the Pakistani Terrrorist Who Beheaded American Journalist Daniel Pearl The Morning Rant: Minimalist Edition Absent Friends
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July 02, 2004
Always Dump Your Bad News on a FridayWhat a terrible day here at the Ace of Spades HQ corporate command center. The jobs numbers didn't dazzle as I'd predicted, and I had to retract my hysterical shrieking over the "9-11 Apology Flick" fooferall. Might as well get out the rest of the corrections now, while you're all on your way home from work and no longer interested in reading blogs. Top Ten Other Ace of Spades HQ Corrections 10. Contrary to my previous suggestions, I was never in fact "belted by gamma rays" and I do not grow into a nine-foot-tall jade giant when provoked. My threat to take "Josh Marshall's crappy little Don Johnson stubble-face" and "hulk-out on it" was, I'm afraid, something of an empty boast. 9. I did not "comfort" Jeri Ryan after her divorce from abortive senate candidate Jack Ryan. I did not braid her hair, I did not paint her toes, and I most definitely did not cheer her up with a "Nasty Adolf." If I've given a contrary impression, I apologize. 8. I did not actually star in Who's the Boss? My claim that I had has caused great confusion among my readers: some wondered if I was in fact Tony Danza; others thought I might be Judith Licht or even Alyssa Milano. (To those of you sent me flowers and invitations to roller-skating parties, thank you, but I'm not Ms. Milano, and no, I don't have her "digits.") This error arose from an inadvertant typo; I wrote "I was the star, creator, and executive producer of Who's the Boss?" when I actually meant to write "I once watched Who's the Boss? while eating a bologna sandwich." I think this is a perfectly understandable error, and I trust you'll forgive me for it. 7. I was wrong when I stated that monolguist Bill Maher ("monologuist" is a comedian who's not actually funny) was only 5'1" even in those ridiculously high-heeled 1970's Frankenboots he's always wearing. In fact, his height varies according to which elevator shoes he might have on, ranging from 5'3" to 4'7". 6. It was unfair of me to term Jessica "Washingtonienne" Cutler a "news-skank." In fact, nothing in her blog was actually related to news at all. The proper terminology should have been common whore or street-meat. 5. I earlier predicted that Instapundit would "never" link me. I was wrong. I should have said, "Instapundit will link me once, and never again, due to my sloppy and shrill postings." 4. The capital of Kenya is not, as I stated, "Kenya City." Nor is the capital of Nigeria "Nigeria City," nor the capital of Germany "Germany City." I suppose I should look up the actual capitals and provide them for you, but I'm far too lazy. And I should also say that the capital of the Straits of Malacca is not "Straits of Malacca City," as the Straits of Malacca don't have a capital, being a body of water rather than a political entity. 3. I earlier stated that I had solid information that Dick Cheney would not run for re-election as Vice President, and that George Bush's new running mate would be either WWE wrestler Mick "Mankind" Foley or Meredith Baxter-Birney of Family Ties. My sources badly misled me on that, and I apologize for not better vetting their information. 2. Despite my earlier claims to the contrary, I was never in fact Paul Krugman's "male companion" and "travelling cabana boy." I did not "shack up" with him for "most of the eighties," and while he might in fact have "fingers like a concert cellist," I have no first-hand knowledge regarding this claim either way. I really have no idea why I claimed any of that. I think he just sort of pissed me off. ...and the Number One Ace of Spades HQ Correction... 1. It was inaccurate to call Michael Moore "ugly" and "obese." In actuality, he's "fugly" and "fobese." My apologies for misleading you. | Recent Comments
Soothsayer and five yamulkas walk into a bar:
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Miklos is Dissapoint: "Nice guy. Posted by: Kindltot "his" So. ..." rhomboid: "Will be watching the Victor Day happenings on Red ..." RedMindBlueState[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Posted by: JackStraw at May 08, 2025 09:28 PM ..." FenelonSpoke ( give a genuine e compliment to two people today): "Posted by: kallisto at May 08, 2025 09:39 PM (SCfS ..." The Paolo: "If someone, a long time ago, was clever, they woul ..." rhomboid: ""Including one sailor and a very kissable nurse." ..." Kindltot: "Fenelon, the rule is "everyone eats kimchi or some ..." Puddleglum at work: "Kielbasa, cabbage, onions, peppers, tomatoes. Cook ..." Paolo: "Regular or thick cut? Posted by: RickZ You ar ..." We Must Not Allow A Mineshaft gp!: "459 I remember an AoSHQ phase, so long ago, when e ..." Hour of the Wolf: "They're putting jokes on the back of bacon package ..." Recent Entries
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Water Hazard Cafe Quick Hits After Democrat Senators Tillis, Cassidy, Collins, Murkowski, McConnell, and Linsdsey Graham Balk, Trump Withdraws Ed Martin from Consideration for US Attorney from DC Asked About His Steep Cognitive Decline on Propaganda Yenta Show The View, Biden Babbles Incoherently and Needs His Wifenurse to Step In Bernie Sanders on Using Expensive Private Jets -- Paid for by Billionaire Pals -- While "Fighting the Oligarchy:" "You Want Me to Wait in Line at United With 30,000 People?" Mark Halperin: A Source "Very Familiar With the Bidens" Tells Me That Biden, Inc. Is Going Broke as the Graft Spigots Have All Been Turned Off American Pope Elected, Robert F. Prevost; He's Addressing the Crowd The Indian Army Announces the Death of the Pakistani Terrrorist Who Beheaded American Journalist Daniel Pearl The Morning Rant: Minimalist Edition Search
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The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |