Saturday Night Club ONT - March 14, 2026 [2 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino. St. Patty's Day will be observed in the Club tonight! All ye hooligans be on yer best behavior!

[Top photo: McGonagle's Pub, Boston]
How the Boston Pub That Sells the Most Guinness in Massachusetts Prepares for St. Patrick's Day

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a large brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" The friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a minute...

Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

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Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us! Take us to your leader, or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

About a half hour passed.

When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear!"

Drink of the Night

Irish Flag shot

Ingredients 1/3 Green Creme de Menthe 1/3 Baileys Irish Cream 1/3 Grand Marnier

Instructions
Pour a shot glass 1/3 full with Green Creme de Menthe.
Pouring very slowly over the back of a spoon, add a layer of Baileys Irish Cream.
Again pouring very slowly over the back of a spoon, add a layer of Grand Marnier.

Club ONT Department of Pi

Today is March 14th. 3/14. Pi day.

The "no math on the blog" rule is suspended tonight - in honor of Pi Day!

What is Pi?

Arrrrrrrrr!

Pie choices for Pi day. Which 3 are you?

[Disco says KAH and Dino says BCL]

Club ONT Animal Desk

The answer to your problems may not be a taxidermy stripper squirrel, but isn't it worth checking? Only $575!

The only thing better would be a purple pimp hat!

If that doesn't work for you, how about a taxidermy beer drinking possum? Only $675!

Disclosure: These pieces from Black Moth in Tulsa, Oklahoma are shown for entertainment and educational purposes only. Club ONT does not officially endorse any taxidermy service provider, stripping venue or brand of beer. Sponsorship opportunities, however, are available. Operators are standing by.

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Always beware of the flying squirrel...

The Club ONT Jukebox

Haling from The Emerald Isle!

Top 10ish Comments of the Week

In memory of Tommy DeCarlo and Brad Delp, Club ONT is brought to you tonight by Boston:

Contrary to the rumors, Marco Rubio has not been asked to operate Club ONT. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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