Saturday Night "Club ONT" December 13, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to the first Club ONT Christmas Party. Brought to you by a collaboration the 3D's - The Disco, The Dino, and The Doggo. Special shout out to Club friend, commenter, and bartender extraordinaire, JQ for the decorating.

We have music, ugly sweaters, questionably strong drinks, a wobbly table, snacks, and some fun content. Tonight is about good friends, good company, and making memories.

JQ spiffy'd the place up a bit. [doggo says] Please note the proper white lights have been deployed.

-----

[Disco says: They're nice but not as festive as colored lights. I'm not wearing freshly pressed khakis, a fine linen shirt, and penny loafers, so not sure I belong in those areas of the Club. I'll hang out where I won't be judged for wearing well-worn jeans, an ugly seater, and scuffed-up boots.]

-----

Hobo Santa will be setting up in one of these locations this evening. You'd think he'd be drinking a peppermint martini or hot buttered rum. Nope, straight for the bourbon. Keep the interns away if he brings up "North Pole After Hours."

Did someone pick up the Santa suit from the dry cleaners?

***

Did you bring your gift? The White Elephant gift exchange will be held on the patio. Where re-gifting (which we'll talk about below) and/or stealing becomes all out warfare. Like Hunger Games. Or an MLB draft war room.

Funniest this D has seen was someone wrapped a Playgirl magazine. Which was amusing enough as a hetero guy got it first. The laughs grew (no pun - but should be) as the gifter had removed all the "special" pages. Here is a link to some pretty good ones. What about the Horde? Best White Elephant moments?

2. Dancing animatronic Christmas dolls. The weirder, the better. One year we received a be-bopping fuzzball with ogling eyes and a beak that dances and sings to the tune of "Deck the Halls" in a jazz voice.

3. A selection of Christmas Carols on 8 track or cassette tape.

4. Self-help or promotional video tapes or audio cassettes from the 1970s.

To kick off the White Elephant gift game, whoever has comment number 56, please collect the first gift (pictured below) - your very own Kamala Harris bobblehead, courtesy of the 3D's. You can keep it or select another gift from the table. (Don't mind that large present that suspiciously looks like a 39 foot dinosaur.)

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

What is a vegan's favorite Christmas song? Soy to the World.

What do you call a Christmas themed stripper? Holly Daze.

-----

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna.

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. For the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow, thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, £ 4 was missing. I think it must have been those halfwits at the Post Office!

-----

Drinks of the Night

Tonight we proudly feature a big ol' cauldron of Jingle Juice!

Step 1 Rub rims of glasses with lime wedges. Dip into sugar until coated.

Step 2
In a punch bowl, combine Moscato, Prosecco, Cran-Apple juice, cranberries, vodka, mint, and lime rounds. Divide among prepared glasses.

-----

For Our Patrons Who No Do Not Partake

We also have a cauldron for you! How about some Sparkling Pear & Orange Champagne Punch?

Combine sparkling wine, pear nectar, and orange bitters in a punch bowl. Top with an ice ring (optional). Serve with strips of orange zest.

Ugly Sweaters

Here's the one Disco is wearing tonight

Yes, the flask is full. Guess what bourbon is in the flask (brand and proof) and you'll win a date with Hobo Santa!

-----

White Elephant time again!

Comment #99 - you're up. Come collect this fine piece of fashion!

"It's a beaut, Clark!"

-----

A large animatronic TRex in a Christmas sweater? Of course! Those wacky Brits...

Club ONT Christmas Party Games

Club Bingo. Take a drink any time one of the items on the grid is mentioned in the comments.

What was the one Christmas gift you hoped and prayed would show up under the tree? And it did! What did you get?

Three Holy Grail gifts for the 3D's. Large Millennium Falcon, Labeda Mark V roller skate wheels, Big Wheel. For 3 restroom tokens, correctly match the D to their childhood obsession. Then share your best in the comments.

Club ONT Naughty List

Is it really naughty? Or is it brilliance - regifting isn't tacky - it is efficient.

My Mom was given two adorable stuffed bears for her birthday in November by a co-worker. She thought they were cute, but she felt "silly being a 60 year old woman with stuffed animals" So they were put away and not seen again, until a year later when I opened my Xmas present. A beautiful gift basket and the basket were the bears. I almost died laughing, my reaction was "Mom?!?!? You’re a regifter????" to which she simply said, "why not, I would never have them out and I know you liked them and would display them somewhere.” She was right of course, but I was still floored, who knew Mom was a regifter? It simply wasn't possible. Not my Mom. I lost her 2 years later and those two little bears (one an Angel bear) now mean the world to me. I look at them every day and am so glad Mom was a regifter. I know that Angel bear in particular is my Mom watching over me and letting me know everything is ok. I was never a regifter, but I believe in it now.

Fess up. Who has re-gifted a Christmas present?

Work Christmas Party horror stories? Surely there will be a few in the comments!

Confession 6: “No idea what happened, but I woke up on a train in Edinburgh (from Birmingham).”

Confession 13. “I stole my boss’s desk plant. I still have it, I’ve just never had the guts to give it back. He’s sent angry emails around and everything.”

The energy and time I have for decorating for Christmas this year… pic.twitter.com/uTtoeZ5Nac

— SW 🇺🇸 (@sw_usa7476) December 3, 2025

Club ONT Music

-----

Top 10ish Comments of the Week

Club ONT was brought to you by: Christmas in the 1970s

Don't forget to pick up your 2025 Club ONT Christmas Party Commemorative Plate before you leave:

NOTICE: While the commemorative plates are free to all guests, we do need a way to help offset the cost of tonight's party. As such, The Club is offering these Limited Edition Commemorative Coins for purchase!

Each coin entitles the bearer to a free "Club ONT Crypto Coin"! No, those don't exist yet, but when they do - WOOHOO, you'll be sittin' pretty!

Club ONT regrets the absence of live music for the Club ONT Christmas Party. Arrangements were made for Missile Toe and the South Pole Elves to play the party. you might know their smash hits "Batteries not Included" and "Who left the $%&@$* Legos on the floor?" Unfortunately, Missile Toe ran into transit problems and the Elves are apparently striking for more marshmallows. In related news, plays on the jukebox are free tonight.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

| Access Comments