Quick Hits

The Bee:

That's only partly a joke -- yes, Tucker Carlson is now a believer in chemtrail conspiracy theories now, too.

So here's my rule on conspiracy theories:

I think everyone gets one or two free conspiracy theories. If you don't have any unconventional beliefs, you're kind of boring. You do not have, as Michael Scott said, a "child-like sense of wonder."

If you have three to five conspiracy theories, then I'd say you have a preference for the fantastical and dramatic and you prefer action-thriller movie plots to pedestrian but much more likely explnations. You like big, bold, often-gibberish theories that are more interesting than dull reality.

If you believe in six to ten conspiracy theories, well, now I think you're kind of a loon and maybe a bit credulous and low-IQ. Now I think you just believe in conspiracy theories because they're pretty simple.

But, if like Tucker Carlson, you now believe in ALL OF THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES, I don't think you're a loon.

I think you're a grifter playing the loons for Paranoia Clicks.

I think I mentioned this once or twice, maybe just in the comments, but I kind of liked Joe Rogan -- I don't really watch him, I just see clips every once in a while -- precisely because he was so open-minded that his brain sometimes falls out. He'll believe anything. Has no working bullshit detector at all, except for the bullshit detector that tells him everything, anything "The establishment" or "conventional medicine" or "leading authorities" tell him must be a lie.

While I think that's moronic, I also do enjoy being a little irresponsible once in a while. No I do not believe, as frequent Rogan guest Graham Hitchcock (or whatever) claims, that there were world-traveling ancient civilizations that fell and completely disappeared before the earliest known civilizations like Babylon.

I don't believe that... but I'd kind of like to, because it's a silly Pulp Fiction conceit which, if true, would make the world a more magical, goofier place.

So I don't mind when people toss around basically-harmless conspiracy theories. The "archeological establishment doesn't want you to know of unknown ancient civlizations that crossed the seas in advanced oceangoing ships and had cultural exchange with each other! They're covering up the evidence because it would be TOO SHOCKING to realize that human civilization once rose and fell and completely vanished from the earth!"

Nonsense, but fun. And if you believe that, there's not going to be any bad consequences.

Maybe we didn't have to be so serious all the time and obsessed about the Right Answers but we could sit back, untuck the shirt, unbutton the top button, and just have a nice harmless Bullshit Session.

So I didn't mind when Tucker Carlson started with the UFO crap. I figured he was doing it for ratings, being some kind of modern-age PT Barnum. And if people believed in flying saucers, so what? And maybe it was some kind of sharp critique on modern media myth-making. Who knows.

But now Tucker Carlson embraces every paranoia and every primitive subterranean fear and hatred and packages it up for a (largely foreign!) internet audience.

And now it doesn't seem so funny.

And now it doesn't seem so harmlessly, friskily irresponsible.

Now it seems like a very cynical and nasty and greedy operator is peddling fear and hatred to confused and spiritually-lost people looking for answers and oh yeah, the answer is always Israel and Jewish Perfidy.

Maybe it's time to tuck our shirts back in, because, as usual, nasty, stupid, evil-minded people ruin every party.

"Mixed" tape?

Let's just say I got a score high enough that I could put three initials on to the scoreboard.

posted by Ace at 05:45 PM

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