Saturday Night "Club ONT" October 25, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration the 3D's - The Disco, The Dino, and The Doggo.

The D's don't have Jacks or better - looks like the Horde is opening.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman.

He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn’t put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I saw you'd underpaid, I took your money out of the coffin and left a personal check for the full amount. Reverend, you owe me $10,000, and Doctor, you owe me $20,000."

Drink of the Night

Apple Cider Old Fashioned

Ingredients 2 ounces apple cider 2 ounces good quality bourbon or whiskey 1 teaspoon maple syrup 3 drops of bitters 1 apple slice for garnish 1 orange slice for garnish Cinnamon stick for garnish optional

Instructions
In a lowball glass, stir together the apple cider, whiskey, maple syrup and bitters until combined. Add in a large ice cube and top with an apple and orange slice and a cinnamon stick.

***

1920 - 1933. Dark days in America, the 21st.

Is there anything a note from your doctor cannot do? Churchill found a way to solve the riddle.

After being struck by a vehicle while crossing Fifth Avenue in New York City, Churchill experienced great pain, for which his doctor conveniently prescribed alcohol as a treatment — though it was likely Churchill himself who requested this specific “medicine.” Otto C. Pickhardt, M.D., wrote, “Churchill necessitates the use of alcoholic spirits especially at meal times,” thus permitting the future prime minister to skirt the law during his stateside visits. Pickhardt described the dosage as “naturally indefinite,” but no less than “250 cubic centimeters” of hooch.

***

Booze as a prescription? Well, yes.

Congress did write safeguards into the law. It dictated that patients couldn’t obtain more than a pint of “spirituous liquor” every ten days, and that prescriptions couldn’t be filled more than once. Prohibitionists successfully pushed for even more restrictions, too. The 1921 Willis-Campbell Act (colloquially known as the Emergency Beer Bill) banned prescriptions of beer. It also lowered the cap on alcohol per prescription (from a pint to a half-pint) and limited physicians to 100 prescriptions every 90 days. Following the bill’s passage, doctors typically wrote a script every ten days for a half pint of alcohol.

Club ONT Dinner Special

Club ONT Gaming Department

This addictive game is like "SimCity" but for transit nerds

A new simulation game called Subway Builder lets you design, build, and operate subway systems in 26 U.S. cities, from New York to Boston to San Francisco. The game uses real-life U.S. Census Bureau and employment data to map where residents and workers live, allowing you to simulate realistic passenger flows. Players must also contend with real-world constraints like tunnels, viaducts, existing foundations, and road layouts.

"I would secretly hope that maybe someone in power sees this and says 'Maybe we can build something like this,' says Colin Miller, a software engineer and creator of the game.

Sounds promising! Tell me more...

Subway Builder bills itself as hyperrealistic, but there are two key exceptions: politics and budgeting. Miller says he did not take into account the political will in any given U.S. city, nor did he calibrate the game's budget to U.S. infrastructure costs. Instead, he used Spanish construction costs, which are among the lowest in the world. (Madrid, for example, tripled its metro network in just 12 years.) "If I had it set to realistic American construction prices, it would have made the game unplayable because you’d run out of money," he concedes.

Oh. Nevermind.

Moron Names

This is not the Food Thread, but this is somewhat food-adjacent.

Club ONT Music

It's a crazy kind of night!

Top 10ish Comments of the Week

Club ONT was brought to you by: The otters. They're back.

The otters are at it again! A surfer at Steamer Lane was bitten on the foot by a sea otter (definitely not Steve) who then stole her board for 20 minutes. Officials aren’t sure if it’s the infamous Otter 841 or a bold copycat, either way, the legend continues 🦦 pic.twitter.com/pkynbG73Do

— In Otter News.... (@In_Otter_News2) October 17, 2025

Sun and a Surfboard Crime.

Others believe the recent incidents may be copycat crimes by other otters who witnessed Otter 841’s antics, or just the antics of animals that are partly curious and partly annoyed at the encroachment on their territory.

NOTICE: Tours of Club ONT are temporarily paused while the east wing of the Club undergoes renovation. The east entrance is not original to Club ONT, so don't worry about historical significance. Plans are underway to replace it with a magnificent ballroom and updated defense bunker in the basement. The project is being funded by generous donors which means no increases to drink prices for patrons of Club ONT. Make Club ONT Great Again!

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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