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Food Thread: Christmas Tables And Something Else...But What Is It?

One of the skills I most definitely do not possess is the ability to set a lovely table. Oh, I know where the soup spoon goes, which way the blade of the fish knife faces, and I can place wine glasses with the best of them, but making it pleasing to the eye eludes me.

The Christmas table above isn't particularly fancy, but it is lovely nonetheless. I prefer to decorate my tables with full serving plates, but that just ends up looking cluttered. And welcoming, but still...

Anyone have some stories to tell about tables gone bad? That is a thing...I guess. My attempts are pedestrian, and my wife usually removes them before we sit down. "Uh...dear...nobody can see over that...thing...in the middle of the table!"

I suspect that some of you are masters. I know for a fact that Bluebell has every holiday covered several times over with all the accoutrements , so I'll bet her Christmas table looks spectacular!

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WHAT'S THIS?

What do you think...a new section of the Food Thread? Might be fun!

Rules? We don't need no stinking rules! But it has to be in the correct language at least!

First correct answer gets something...no idea what. Maybe a shaken Manhattan, or a maple-syrup-soaked piece of French Toast...

I'm on a plane though, so you will have to control yourselves for a few hours.

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Well, this is the regular installment of Misanthropic Humanitarian's trolling of your intrepid Food Thread writer. He loves to send me irritating recipes that are guaranteed to piss me off, and he has done it again. A Restaurant Trick for Tender, Flaky Salmon Every Time is just stupid! I doubt very much that using a salt brine is qualitatively different than simply salting the fish beforehand, which is what I do with every fish, and for that matter, every protein I cook.

It's nothing more than the pomposity of the typical commercial food site that is desperate to publish a non-stop train of crap. They tweak recipes with minor changes then trumpet them to the world; they take typical, obvious, standard technique and pretend that it is revelatory.

They are journalists first, cooks second, and that should tell you everything you need to know about them and their output.

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From commenter "Kathy" comes what she claims is the Platonic ideal of pie crusts. No pressure at all!

PERFECT PIE CRUSTS (by cousin Joy)
4 c. flour
1 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1.75 cup Crisco
1 large egg
1 tbsp. vinegar
1/2 cup water

In a large bowl, mix flour, sugar, and salt with a fork.
Then add Crisco and mix well with fork until crumbly.
In a small bowl, beat egg, vinegar and water.
Combine the two mixtures, stirring with a fork until all ingredients are moistened.

Divide dough into 6 portions and, with your hands, shape each into a flat round patty ready for rolling.
Wrap each patty in waxed paper and chill for at least 30 minutes.

Roll on slightly floured board. Makes 6 single shells.

For baked shells: Line pie pan with pastry. Prick bottom and sides with a fork. Use pie weights to prevent ballooning of crust.
Bake at 450 degrees for 10-15 minutes.

Can anyone explain what the vinegar does?

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So...I was going to make this a section on great leftovers recipes, but the intertubes are bereft of anything remotely resembling actual good advice. My go-to is tossing whatever there may be into an omelet or scrambled eggs. That rarely disappoints. And of course chili is rarely diminished by a pound or two of chopped brisket or roast beef.

What I have been doing recently because I often have a bit of extra sushi rice in the refrigerator is to use that as a base. It reminds me of when I was young and poor and made big pots of rice or noodles mixed with whatever I happened to have in the refrigerator. A bit of ground pork, some hot chili paste, some vegetables, and away I went!

Am I the only one who remembers cheap meals from my youth with some nostalgia and pleasure?

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From commenter "someone who prefers not to be named" comes a recipe that...um...might be a troll. Or it might not!

Christmas Lima Beans with Roasted Spinach, Mushrooms & Shallots

I'm not a big fan of Lima beans, but then again, RedMindBlueState's mom's recipe for Gigante beans is absolutely incredible, and they look damned close to Lima beans. They aren't, but still...

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The oyster imperative remains in effect, and send pork rib roasts with the pork belly attached, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk (and speaking of vegetables; were all of our snap peas stolen by space aliens?), garlic...lots of garlic! (and basil! My basil did not do well this year!), well-marbled hanger steaks and elk chops to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: so why don't you put maple syrup on your steaks and chops and chicken?

But the real culprits are those poor deluded souls who shake their Manhattans

And yes, I used to demand fancy bourbon, but let's face it, $1,200 for a bottle of bourbon is just stupid, insulting, and a ghastly affront to most people's palates and wallets. I think the sweet spot is $40-$60 for excellent and interesting bottles, and bumping that to $100 gets you an incremental improvement in quality, but nothing mind-blowing. More than that and I think you are paying for hype and rarity, which may look good in your liquor cabinet, but doesn't translate to more quality in the bottle.