Are You Ready For Some ONT?

Opening night of the NFL season tonight. Lions vs Chiefs. I like the Lions, mainly because I feel sorry for their fans. Not only do they have to live in Detroit, but they have the Lions to cheer for. That's insult to injury. If they're not playing the Ravens, I'll cheer for them. Why don't you grab a drink from the Coke machine...no, I said Coke...NOT THE PEPSI MACHINE!

Damn. I want a Pepsi machine like that.

SCOAMFudge Packer

So, if Obama is gay, do you care? I don't. I couldn't dislike him more, and it wouldn't make me like him more. But tonight's question is this: Do you think the former Commander in Thief was pitching, or catching?

Gee, Who Would Have Thought?

Chaos, Comedy, and ‘Crying Rooms’: Inside Jimmy Fallon’s ‘Tonight Show’

According to two current and 14 former employees, The Tonight Show has been a toxic workplace for years — far outside the boundaries of what’s considered normal in the high-pressure world of late-night TV. They say the ugly environment behind the scenes starts at the top with Fallon’s erratic behavior, and has trickled down to its ever-changing leadership teams — nine showrunners in the past nine years — who seemingly don’t know how to say no to Jimmy. Former employees describe The Tonight Show as a tense and “pretty glum atmosphere,” with some alleging they were belittled and intimidated by their bosses, including Fallon himself. Employees describe being afraid of Fallon’s “outbursts” and unexpected, inconsistent behavior. Many of these staffers voiced their concerns through HR complaints, but problems at The Tonight Show persisted. 

Seven former employees say their mental health was impacted by their alleged experiences working at The Tonight Show. These staffers say it was commonplace to hear people joking about “wanting to kill themselves,” and that they would refer to guests’ dressing rooms in the office as “crying rooms” because that’s where they would go to let out their emotions when they were upset with their alleged mistreatment. 

So Fallon is a drunken asshole. Or not, who knows, it's Rolling Stone. What comes across is how whiny the staff is. OK, so, your boss is an asshole. Either suck it up or get another job. I don't see any allegations that he physically attacked anyone or sexually abused anyone. Why do people find it so hard to decide “No, I won't be treated like this” and move on? Or they could listen to Jordan Peterson:

(Joke, BTW)

BTW, the clip embedded in the article with Ariana Grande impersonating Celine Dion singing the Weeknd’s “Can’t Feel My Face.” is a stitch.

I Thought This Was America

Norfolk police pull over man with bull riding shotgun

“The officers received a call referencing a car driving into town that had a cow in it,”  said Police Captain Chad Reiman. “They thought that it was going to be a calf, something small or something that would actually fit inside the vehicle.”

And the vehicle was big enough… Well, technically. 

“As a result, the officers performed a traffic stop and addressed some traffic violations that were occurring with that particular situation,” Reiman said.

The occupant of the vehicle was identified as Lee Meyer of Neligh. The Watusi bull’s name was Howdy Doody. Lee was immediately pulled over by Norfolk Police as they performed a routine traffic stop. 

“The officer wrote him some warnings,” Reiman said. “There were some citable issues with that situation. The officer chose to write him a warning and ask him to take the animal back home and leave the city.”

I wonder what those issues were? In any event, that's a big bull. Charlie, the Charolais bull who sires all the sides of beef we buy to fill the freezer, is bigger. It's an experience standing next to him. He'll want nose scritches. I suggest you give them to him.

I Thought This Was America, Part II

Florida man arrested after trying to cross Atlantic in hamster wheel vessel

A Florida man was arrested after trying to "run to London" across the Atlantic Ocean in a homemade vessel resembling a hamster wheel. The US Coast Guard intercepted Reza Baluchi about 70 miles (110km) off Tybee Island, Georgia on 26 August. Officials said the 44-year-old marathon runner refused to leave the vessel for three days. Mr Baluchi has tried three similar voyages before, all of which ended in Coast Guard intervention. The makeshift contraption he was using is shaped as a wheel, with paddles that are designed to propel it forward as the wheel revolves. "Based on the condition of the vessel - which was afloat as a result of wiring and buoys - [US Coast Guard] officers determined Baluchi was conducting a manifestly unsafe voyage," the criminal complaint says.

The “vessel” looks like a Panjandrum without rockets. Point 1: He's an idiot. Point 2: He was 70 miles offshore when they pulled him over. Question: Why is this the Coast Guard's business? He's outside the territorial waters of the United States. He'll die, but that's his business, isn't it? This world would be a better, if slightly less amusing, place if we stopped rescuing idiots from themselves.

Stuck In The Mud

The delicious schadenfreude of Burning Man

In case you don't know what Burning Man is, every year tens of thousands of liberal douchbags with lots of money and no sense travel to the middle of the Nevada desert for a giant drug fueled orgy. There's music and some artsy shit, and the always build a giant pagan temple. Lighting the temple on fire is the highlight of the final day. Well, this year it rained, and 75K snowflakes started screaming for help on social media. See that part above about not saving idiots from themselves? Yeah, that includes mud. My wife's niece's been going for like 15 years. She's convinced that niece doesn't participate in the debauchery, she's there for the music and art. Maybe. And she's a good person, even if she is a Lib. She goes with her husband. But to me it smacks of someone who keeps going to orgies because "The Hors d'oeuvres are delicious". Sure

Oh No! Texas!

I moved my family from California to Austin, Texas, and regretted it. Here are 10 things to consider before making an expensive mistake.

Exhibit A was the dad (also at a kids' flag football league) wearing the "Don't move to Austin" T-shirt, a play on "Don't mess with Texas." Let me get this straight: I uprooted my family, moved across four states, and that's the welcome I get? And the worst part of it all is that it's not even funny. There's a bumper sticker in the West: "Montana sucks. Tell your friends!" Same message, but with some humor.

First of all, he didn't move to Texas, he moved to Austin. I have a plan for Austin. I want to build a ten foot wall all around it – and fill it with water. A Texas sized swimming pool! Thankfully, he went back to California. Good riddance.

Doc 0 Has A Warning

Click through to read the whole thing.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by smart decisions:

I don't know what took her so long, there were lots of red flags.

posted by WeirdDave at 09:59 PM

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