Saturday Overnight Open Thread (9/2/23)

A young Texas kid grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 4", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang and he could put a bullet thru a bottle cap at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son.”

Then, sliding a .40 Caliber Sig Sauer P-229 service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:

• one illegal alien,

• one lawyer,

• one meth dealer,

• one used car salesman,

• one Muslim extremist,

• one pig-lib democrat bastard, no, wait... make that two!,

• and a rabbit.”

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?”

GOTTA LOVE TEXAS… (H/T Legally Sufficient)

If you like antique toys from the 1800s, This is the video for you.

An interesting read on the cruise line industry. Unless you have an upcoming cruise planned. Then I recommend you don't read.

CRUISE INTO HELL World’s worst cruise disasters that plunged luxury trips into terror on the high seas…from capsizes to disease outbreaks

WITH rest and relaxation the ultimate goals of most holidaymakers, a scenic cruise makes an obvious choice for a break – but they can quickly turn to terror on the high seas.

Catastrophes ranging in scale and scope have plagued cruise ships for decades, sometimes leaving passengers dead, injured, or with lifelong trauma

The ONT Is Always Looking Out For You.^TM How to choose the right value-rite vodka brand.

‘That’s causing the horrible, horrible hangovers’: Man who’s worked in the alcohol industry for 4 years shares how to choose the right vodka brand

My TSA issues deal with a bionic knee. K-N-E-E. Other guys have other issues. (H/T Pete Bog)

Suspicious Package
Airport security sucks for everyone. But for well-endowed men, it’s a whole different animal.

In What It’s Like, people tell us, well, what it’s like to have experiences many of us have not even imagined. In this entry, Max, a 36-year-old web developer on the East Coast, tells us about his unfortunate experiences with a large penis and the Transportation Security Administration.

When I’m soft, my dick is still bigger than a lot of guys are when they’re fully hard. At max torque, I’m 8½ inches long, with 6 inches of girth. Flaccid, you’re looking at 6 inches, with a 5-inch circumference—which indeed makes me a shower, not a grower. In addition, I possess extremely large testicles, so there’s a lot going on down there. Yes, there are other men packing 10 or 11 inches who have me beat. I’m not saying I have the biggest dick in the world. But we’re all biological outliers at the end of the day, and we all have at least one thing in common: TSA is constantly patting down our junk. It’s like they think we have a gun down there, or something.

And I'm putting out the following admonition. Don't ask for pics.

vodka

Want a little cabin the woods? Here's a video for you......

She's not my type of high maintenance. But, on the other hand she knows what she's looking for.

I ask men to show me their bank balance on the first date because I only want to go out with wealthy guys - I need to know if I'm wasting my time
Sofia Franklyn, from New York, left TikTok users divided with her comments
READ MORE: The misogynistic men making money for social media giants: Fury as TikTok and YouTube continue to host Andrew Tate-inspired influencers

And I hope Richie Rich asks Ms. Maintenance if she goes by the name of "Handle Ears".

I remember hearing, "Cut it out, or I'll give you something to cry about."

I really do try to keep current events and politics out of The Saturday ONT. But this story was too good to pass on.

A two-man television crew was covering a series of armed robberies in Chicago when they became victims of a stick-up themselves.

The Chicago Police Department and information from the outlet indicate that a Univision Chicago reporter/photographer pair were recording video for their broadcast Monday at North Milwaukee Avenue around 5 a.m. They were covering some recent armed robberies in the area when a black SUV and a gray sedan rolled up on their location. Three men with ski masks jumped out of the vehicles, allegedly brandishing firearms.

Friend and regular commenter Robert submitted the following: Only In Nebraska. Is it Genius Award Material? I'm not sure.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by the need for Lawyers, Guns & Money!

Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire & AceCorp, LLC. International Brotherhood of Hamsters, Dynamic Dental Insurance Company and final approval by Martindale-Hubell non-sanctioned law firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, S.C. Complaints? Yeah, we don't accept them.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:40 PM

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