Estate Sales & the Culture of a House

A couple of years ago, a favorite pastor gave a sermon that I never forgot, because I remember the message every time my wife and I visit an estate sale.

Specifically, our pastor was discussing “The Culture of a House.” He of course discussed the culture of the Lord’s house, as it varies among congregations, pastors, and communities. But he also spoke of what he has learned and observed from visiting the homes of parishioners…specifically that there is a culture to each and every home.

He said that he can generally discern if he is in a house full of love and laughter, or if there is tension and discord. The parishioner playing host to the pastor may apologize for the clutter and disarray, but the clutter and disarray still tends to reveal the culture of the house. It might be joyful clutter from a family with boisterous children, or it might be the clutter from someone whose life is slipping out of control. A house will also generally reveal if the family lives with Jesus as part of their lives, or if they just visit Jesus at church on Sundays.

My wife and I have visited many estate sales over the course of our marriage, and although we are now in our 50s and aren't necessarily looking to acquire any more belongings, we still enjoy going to them. At every estate sale we attend, I recall that sermon from our pastor about the culture of a house.

I am absolutely fascinated by the biography I can piece together of the non-celebrities who once occupied a house. I don't feel I'm being voyeuristic, instead I find the life-story of non-celebrities so much more interesting than that of celebrities. They loved, they married, they accumulated treasures and built gardens, they traveled, they raised families, and they became beloved grandparents. They had triumphs and heartbreaks, and if they were people of faith, their home will probably reflect that too.

Meanwhile, my wife is fascinated by design and architecture. There is the original construction of the house, which is generally a reflection of the period when it was constructed, followed by the renovations and furnishings. The era when furnishings were acquired and the styles chosen will lend a defining signature as to certain aspects of the people who lived there. Their habits and tastes also constituted a small input into the greater American culture that they were a part of.

The careers and hobbies of the owners are usually evident, and often overlap. Sometimes the hobbies clearly became obsessions, resulting in an abundance of collectibles, trinkets, and baubles to be disposed of.

The books and memorabilia will usually disclose the careers of those who inhabited that space. Handwritten notes on the inside cover of a book, or an old letter contained therein, are the yesteryear equivalent of social media interaction with writers and public figures.

Landscaping and gardens interest me, since I have spent much of my life involved in both, sometimes as a job and sometimes as a hobby. The plants that are grown and how the grounds have been landscaped will quickly reveal whether a yard service was hired for maintenance, or if the owners lovingly devoted their own time to the yard and gardens. Personalized gardens will also tend to reveal the length of the owners’ decline. Where I see crumbling paths and beds with weeds overtaking perennials, I can also picture the beautiful gardens and the loving attention once given to them. But it is a reminder of the ultimate power of nature. Neither our mortal flesh nor our gardens and creations are permanent.

Life’s impermanence is part of the poignancy of visiting an estate sale. The house will usually reveal a final round of acquisitions, be it flooring, appliances, or conveniences. And then it all stops. No one knew it at the time, but this is figuratively where some people stopped actively living. And for some, this is where they started to die.

The heirs who are selling off the belongings are often in attendance. Some are ebullient as the scene unfolds. It’s a social occasion, and a house that has recently only known quiet is suddenly full of people, including many old friends and acquaintances, validating the special life of the deceased, whose belongings will once again hold value to those still living. Perhaps their good cheer is in part because they’ve been eager for the final burden of the estate to be lifted.

But sometimes family members are somber. The estate sale serves a purpose that is not unlike a funeral, driving home the fact that the loved one is really gone, never to return.

Real Clear published a tender article recently about estate sales, focusing on a woman named Kara who administers them, but also discussing the people and the emotions involved. I’ve quoted a few snippets, but it is worth a read if you have a moment.

All The Things We Leave Behind: On the Melancholy and Beauty of Estate Sales [Farahn Morgan – Real Clear Books & Culture – 5/23/2023]

On the first true day of the sale, the house on Virginia Avenue is transformed. The front porch is host to some of the sale’s larger items. The formal dining room is a love letter to nostalgia, practically bursting with baseball cards, Michael Jordan pennants, and at least one Jose Canseco wood carving. The coffee cups are out from their cupboards. And concrete Buddha and Jesus are ready to find homes in new hearts.

The place is teeming with people, many at retirement age, and it’s mostly respectful. (That’s not always the case at these sales. It can give you a jolt to see people grabbing and trampling with the face of eternity so nearby.)

Many of the patrons here have made estate selling a kind of regular social outing. These houses are gathering places for them, and they feel at home here.

A few of the women here say they are friends of the family, and they say that having something from this place as a memento is a kind of last tribute. “I try to show people,” Kara says, “I try to represent them the way they were at their best.”

“We are all fighting time. I try not to think too much about it, because we can’t avoid it, and if you focus too much on it, it can hold your heart hostage.” Kara takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. “It really is what you leave behind.”

L.P. Hartley wrote that “The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.” Estate sales provide a way to travel to that foreign country, and experience both the greater culture of decades past as well as the micro-culture of those who once occupied a specific home.

Blessings to those departed ambassadors from the past, for sharing their culture and unique biographies at estate sales, and for the legacy they leave through their old possessions that find new homes.

[buck.throckmorton at protonmail dot com]

posted by Buck Throckmorton at 12:00 PM

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