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Food Thread: Eggplant Crumbles And Solar Pizza!

I'm not a big fan of fruit desserts...I prefer my sugar with chocolate and fat, the way God intended. In a chocolate-chip cookie!

But we are in high summer, and one would be foolish to ignore the bounty. It's like not eating tomatoes in August. Even if you don't like 'em that much...IT'S THE SEASON! And they stink the other 11 months of the year, so why not indulge when they actually taste good.

There are lots of fun and simple recipes for fruit desserts; like crumbles and tarts and pies and even simpler stuff that is essentially a bowl of fruit with some sugar and maybe some cream.

But even if you aren't interested in that minimal amount of work, a simple bowl of ice cream with some fresh berries is pretty damned hard to beat. And they look great too! So you can impress your guests (imaginary or real) with a great looking and simple dish.

I used to bake scones with fresh berries in them, and while they were delicious, they didn't look particularly appetizing because the fruit would stain the dough a bit, and it looked like my scones had just survived a knife fight (no, Bluebell was not involved). There's probably a way to fix that, but it didn't effect the taste, so...

But my favorite I think is the simple crumble. I remember finding a bakery in Western Vermont that made absolutely incredible ones...I think we ate three or four big ones in the short time we were in the neighborhood.

Although I wonder whether it was the fruit, or the delicious crumbly/sweet/crunchy stuff on the top that made them so good!

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The world-class stupidity emanating from the mandarins pretending to run New York City is truly delightful. The city has significant problems with crime, sanitation, traffic, taxes, homelessnessbums and vagrants, a failing mass-transit system, and probably a dozen other big issues.

But pizza ovens are priority 1! And I don't much care that the actual proposal is nothing like what has been breathlessly reported. The fact is, pollution caused by coal or wood-fired pizza ovens is a rounding error compared to all of the other sources of pollution in NYC, many of which are city-owned! Anyone with eyes can see the city busses and trucks belching black smoke because they aren't maintained. And how about the equally unpleasant stench of garbage that has gotten so much worse in the past several years? That's air pollution too.

NYC government is a clown show, but they are fantastic at attacking those who are least able to defend themselves. Mom&Pop stores, small building landlords, taxi and ride service drivers, plumbers and electricians and carpenters...all of these people suffer under the weight of an overbearing and intrusive city government. So I guess it's time for the pizza joint on the corner to fall under the city's jack boots.

But I have no doubt that some hipster asshat will open a pizzeria featuring solar-oven pies. For $45 each.

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Look, I am all for the flavor of maple syrup, with obvious no-go zones. But some things are better left to traditional flavors: like caramel for the popcorn, and either blue or red for the cotton candy.

So...what is your favorite flavor color? Mine is definitely red and black, with blue a close third. But the entire hierarchy breaks down with Jelly Belly jelly beans. I am constantly fooled by them. Hell...I love pink Jelly Bellys!

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Okay, I admit it; I am intrigued by the frozen Gin & Tonic. But that is it!

How to Make Frozen Versions of All Your Favorite Classic Cocktails

What the hell is a frozen martini? And a frozen Aperol Spritz? Just throw the damned things away and have a real drink with bitters...a Manhattan, an Old Fashioned, or a Sazerac. There is no need for any other bitterness in your life!

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This is one of those recipes that I read and think, "What the f*ck?" I guess it makes some sort of sense, and adding crunch to food is usually a good idea, but the flavors just seem discordant, and I am deeply suspicious that they aren't blended well enough to be anything other than a mouthful of olives then a mouthful of pork then a mouthful of almonds.

Grilled Pork Chop with Green Almond and Olive Relish

Maybe I'm wrong...it won't be the first time.

Anyone have any experience with something like this dish?

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I have been poking around for a kick-ass recipe for baba ghanoush, because I have been making it recently and...wait a second...MY RECIPE is kick-ass. And easy. And not a recipe. And I already gave it to you a few months ago. I found a bunch of weird ones. What the hell? Parsley in babaghanoush? Nope. Sorry.

I think the trick is to grill the eggplant. The smokiness adds an incredible complexity, and it is well worth the extra trouble.

A large eggplant
a few ounces of tahini
Garlic to taste
Cayenne to taste
Lemon juice to taste (about one lemon's worth)
Salt and pepper to taste

Char the hell out of the eggplant, let it cool, and scrape the meat into a bowl, trying to keep as many seeds out of it as you can. Mix it with all of the other ingredients, then chill for a few hours to let the flavors meld. Or...eat it still warm with pita.

Oh, and make your own pita. Seriously, it's really easy and puts the store-bought stuff to shame. Long-time commenter "Moki" has an excellent recipe for a thick version of it, and really, it is so easy that even a Dildo can make it (I bake mine at 400 degrees convection so they get a bit brown).

And speaking of eggplant, here is commenter "Nemo" with a really easy and fun sounding way to use it!

I like to grow eggplant in my garden, and my wife likes to prepare a favorite dish of ours: eggplant "pizzas". Slice the eggplant into disks; salt and press them overnight to squeeze out some of the water. Wash off the salt, then dip in egg and breadcrumbs, then bake. These eggplant disks can then be loaded with mozzarella, a sauce of tomato paste and white wine, and anything else you like, then reheated quickly to warm them up and melt the cheese. Trust me, these are delicious. Also, the eggplant disks can be frozen, and eaten later.

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The oyster imperative remains in effect, especially now that we are entering the summer months. Yup, I'm not afraid of oysters in the summer! (Except that my usual source was sold out, so I am an oysterless Dildo, and you know how bad that is!) And send pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, garlic...lots of garlic! (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm still watching you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.

And yes, I used to demand fancy bourbon, but let's face it, $1,200 for a bottle of bourbon is just stupid, insulting, and a ghastly affront to most people's palates and wallets. I think the sweet spot is $40-$60 for excellent and interesting bottles, and bumping that to $100 gets you an incremental improvement in quality, but nothing mind-blowing. More than that and I think you are paying for hype and rarity, which may look good in your liquor cabinet, but doesn't translate to more quality in the bottle.