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Food Thread: Jumbo Shrimp (Huh?)... Sure...As Long As You Fry Them!

Do you ever wake up with a fixation on a food that you haven't had for ages?

Well, fried shrimp is the current obsession, and I have no idea why! I love 'em, but I also like 17 other shrimp preparations, and I indulge regularly. In fact last night I made Shrimp With Ceci beans to great acclaim!

But fried shrimp is in my head...fried shrimps are in my head?

My favorite style is minimalist. I don't like a heavy batter, although the Japanese to a good job with Tempura shrimp. My guess is that a bit of flour, maybe even cornstarch, and some hot oil and I could be a happy camper.

Frying is easy...it's just a matter of temperature control. So using more oil than you would expect is always a good idea. and a nice heavy pot that retains heat makes those temperature swings gentler, and that translates to crispy, not soggy or burned.

But all in all, I'd rather someone else do the work. Like some short order cook in a good New England seafood shack, or a South Carolina fry house.

Or really, anywhere that isn't my kitchen!

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The conceit and arrogance of dietary Nazis is maddening. Vegetarians are bad enough (not all. Some of them are sane), but vegans seem like the absolute worst.

'Sick and Upset' Vegan Brutally Mocked After Sending Threatening Letter to Neighbor

"Hello neighbour," the letter begins. "Could you please shut your side window when cooking please. My family are vegan (we eat only plant based foods) and the smell of the meat you cook makes us feel sick and upset.

We would appreciate your understanding. Thanks."

What a narcissistic twit this person is! Who gives a shit how you feel about other people's eating habits?

Here's my answer:

Dear neighbor,

Close your windows when you cook. The stench of your disgusting and inedible "vegan" food AND the smug and superior tone that wafts from your apartment makes me and my family sick.

This is nothing more than the progressive mindset writ small. They love to tell other people what to eat, how to behave, what to buy, what to drive, how to speak...because their opinions are the gospel!

That's why they hate American exceptionalism.

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In last week's Food Thread^TM I mentioned that tuna, while expensive, doesn't require a huge portion to satisfy one's hunger.

And as usual one of you maniacs schooled me!

This is from commenter "Paul." No, not that one...the good one!

Tuna is one of the fattiest meats. That's why you can't eat so much.

Tuna fat is in each cell. That's why you don't see fat layers as in beef, pork.

If you simmer poach tuna for a tuna salad, gobs of fat will rise to float in the water.

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Restaurant work is difficult, as any of you who have worked in one can attest. That's what amuses me when I hear people say, "Oh, you should open a restaurant! Your blueberry crumble/pork ribs/goulash/beef stew is great!"

it's one of the toughest industries around, the profit margins are razor thin, the amount of work is incredible, and if you hire a manager to do the work THAT is your profit! Which is why restaurant owners work 80-hour weeks...if they are lucky.

Here's a well-meaning knucklehead trying to make pizza. An pretty much failing at quality and speed...the two prerequisites for success.

Working A Shift At A Classic New York Pizzeria

But it's pretty funny, so worth a watch.

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I thought commenter and professional bartender "Bitter Clinger" was a stand-up guy. But clearly, obviously, he hates me, and every other normal drinker in the world...why else would he send me this pathetic hipster-douchebag calamity of a drink? And the restaurant it's made in might be worse!

The Making of Double Chicken Please's "French Toast"

On the menu, the French Toast is described as Grey Goose, roasted barley, brioche, coconut, milk, maple syrup and egg—the combination of which yields a rich, flip-style cocktail. To garnish, a bittersweet Espresso Martini–flavored “Oreo” is rested on the rim of the glass. The playful accompanying bite is ostensibly simple, but like every other drink and dish at Double Chicken Please, the devil is truly in the details.

Chan and Chen employ an array of techniques to incorporate each flavor into the drink. First, the Grey Goose vodka—selected for its use of winter wheat, an ingredient often used in pastry—is infused with roasted barley tea to emphasize a robust grain base. Toasted brioche that has been blended and cooked with maple syrup adds to the bready profile, creating a concentrate, which is then combined with whole milk and coconut water. In the final stage, after the brioche liquid mixture is chilled—in keeping with the French toast theme—raw egg is added, blended and strained.

Look at the photo of the bartender. Listen to the smug tone of their comments about pretty much everything. These use a particular vodka? Why? It's a sweet mess of a drink that is going to overwhelm whatever subtle differences there may be between vodka brands. And they think they are f&@king geniuses for using coconut water that has a distinct flavor of...what for it...coconut! Amazing!

It's a milkshake with vodka, garnished with an Oreo.

Deconstruct this!

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Commenter "Martin" has shared a few interesting things with us, but this one is simply incredible. I love beef, and I think that American corn-finished beef is pretty much the best there is, but there are other places that give us a run for our money. Italy, Argentina, maybe Australia, but...South Africa?

Last week I had a whirlwind 4-day trip to Johannesburg on short notice. Arrived at the airport with no accommodation booked, so the taxi driver took me to a small hotel in the financial district of Sandton. The Courtyard Hotel is like most others in SA, a gated, walled compound with security at the gate. It has a small, simple restaurant, mostly used for breakfast, but does have a dinner menu.

Famished after a long flight, I took a chance and ordered the 500g T-bone, done rare. Price $14US. It came slightly overdone, but the flavour and tenderness was amazing! It had a little trim of fat that caramelized beautifully for that chewy fat texture I so love. I’ve previously been to Namibia and South Africa hunting, and confined my meals to the game I hunted, so had never experienced SA beef before.

The next night, I decided to give them a chance to fix the overdone part, and ordered it blue rare, as I most often would. The steak was perfect in every way, literally the best steak I’ve ever eaten! Tender, juicy and flavourful. I congratulated the chef, Baldwin, who admitted his assistant Booche (Boo-chay) had cooked it, so I shook her hand and thanked her profusely.

My final night there, on a recommendation I decided to try a steakhouse called The Bull Run, a block from the hotel. I first ordered the steak tartar, which was delicious, then ordered the 500g T-bone, again blue rare and for the same $14US price. They dry age all of their own beef for 28 days.

This time the flavour and doneness was great, but it was not as tender. If the Courtyard steak was a perfect 10, this was an 8. Who knew that a little cafeteria-like restaurant in a small hotel could outdo a fine steakhouse? And who knew that South African beef could compete with even Wagyu that I’ve enjoyed?

If any of your readers should have a chance to give either place a try, I commend them to you, with a caution to beware the con artists posing as private security guards in the area (there are a lot of private security companies in Joburg).

Fantastic!
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Just send me oysters. Lots of oysters, and I will provide special dispensation for those without taste who insist upon maple syrup with their French Toast. And pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm still watching you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.