HBO Max Announces They'll Be Remaking All the Harry Potter Movies as a Strictly-Faithful-to-the-Books TV Series That Could Go On for Ten Years;
Trans Extremists Shriek

Warner Bros.' head David Zazlov has been pushing some kind of a Harry Potter reboot for a while. He needs to make some kind of money for his massively-indebted corporation.

I assumed this would take the form of a new series of movies, or a TV show, that would take place at Hogwart's. Hogwart's -- The Next Generation. That kind of thing.

Nope, they're just remaking the movies that were already made adequately enough, only this time, each story will follow the books' plots more exactingly. So get ready for more Romantic Intrigue among Fifth Graders, and get ready for one book to be drawn out over 8-10 episodes.

And you thought The Hobbit movies were drawn-out and padded!*

Variety:

A "Harry Potter" TV series is officially moving forward at HBO Max.

The announcement was made during Warner Bros. Discovery's presentation to press and investors on April 12, during which it was announced that HBO Max and Discovery+ are officially being combined into a new service dubbed simply Max.

News of a show based on the megahit J.K. Rowling book series first leaked on April 3, but details have now been confirmed.

Each season of the show will be based on one of the books in the franchise, with Warner Bros. Discovery describing the show as a "decade-long series." It will feature an entirely new cast from the films.

At least a remake will give the media marginally less reason to pretend that Emma Watkins or whoever is actually a celebrity.

"We are delighted to give audiences the opportunity to discover Hogwarts in a whole new way," said Casey Bloys, chairman and CEO of HBO & Max Content.

No, a whole new way would have meant a whole new story. This is the same story, again, with a smaller budget and much, much longer run time.

Hollywood literally can't do anything but remakes and reboots, can they?

This is a real stupid thing. Kids don't care about Harry Potter, the character. Or Hermoine or Rusty Beavers or whatever the other kid is called. Kids love the fantasy of going to Hogwarts. So the star is Hogwarts and the spells and the monsters. You can make up any viewpoint characters calculated to be aspirational enough that kids will want to daydream about being, but average enough that they won't make kids feel inferior, and send them to Hogwart's, and kids would like it.

And then you'd have a new story.

But nah, we'll just remake the ones we've already all seen. (Well, I've seen some of them, and watched the Pitch Meeting for others!)

But the real story here isn't that Hollywood is creatively bankrupt, and will soon be financially bankrupt as they pour more tons of money into the Money Pit and set it on fire.

No, the real story is that this is Literal Violence against trans people and threatens them with Actual Genocide.

All because J.K. Rowling, and obnoxious mouthy feminist and overly-political leftwing twat, insists that men are not women and that penises are Masculine.

John Sexton reminds us that the trans extremists bullied and threatened people away from buying, playing, or reviewing the Hogwart's Legacy video game that released in January -- and failed abysmally, as the game ranked up a slew of 9 out of 10 ratings and $850 million in sales -- so far.

Even though they literally threatened people to get them to not play or review the game, the game was reviewed -- ecstatically.

Okay, the last sales figure I heard was $850 million. I kept waiting for it to hit a billion to write about it. It's been stuck at $850 million since early February. I refreshed searches for "Hogwart's legacy billion," but the news never came.

Well now, the Ace of Spades Decision Desk has examined the data and now feels comfortable enough to officially project that sales have now topped one billion dollars.

Sexton collects some of the Latest Shriekings from the hysterical, bullying, violent Trans Extremists:

Mia Moore @StopTweetingMia

If I was WB deciding what franchise to spend the next decade on, I would want to future-proof it by not latching onto a bigot who's been getting more and more vitriolic towards LGBTQ+ people.

They're actually banking on society still not caring about trans folks in 10 years.
Sorry Trans Extremists, I guess you're not as beloved in the real world as the progressives who use you pretend you are on Twitter.

This douchebag:

Like Kurosawa, I Make Mad @the_moviebob

Well, last time Warner Bros committed to a decade long project they hadn't started making or CAST was the DCEU and that failed so bad the studio no longer exists. But maybe doing it AGAIN but anchored to the whims of a creator leading a global lynch mob will work!

Hey try sliding into Lindsey Ellis' DMs some more, Bob!

JJ @ladydragonjj

I hope for your failure and demise.

I wonder if she thinks she's really a dragon. Or if she is really a she.

More at the link.

Just nothing but all-consuming, unmedicated anger from the physically revolting and mentally unwell, who hate and fear A World That Just Doesn't Want to Fuck Them.

Maybe you guys should moderate your demands a touch before you alienate the public so much they really do hate you.

* Over the course of two weeks, I have been rewatching, for the first time, The Hobbit movies. They are truly drawn-out and padded and they attempt to compensate for that featuring implausible over-the-top very cartoonish (literally, it's all digital CGI cartoons) action, which alienates me from the movie even more by so contemptuously abandoning any pretense that this is real.

The sad thing is that there are short moments here and there that actually work. Making the huge pile of bad decisions even worse, because they demolished something that could have been decent.

posted by Ace at 04:10 PM

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