Sponsored Content
« CPSC Withdraws Proposal to Ban Gas Stoves;
Left Wing Goes From Claiming The Right Is Crazy To Oppose Banning These Racist, Climate Destroying Stoves, To Claiming the Right Wing Is Crazy To Claim the Left Ever Wanted to Ban Them
| Main | The Twitter Files, Part 14: How Democrat "Congressional Trolls" and the Corrupt Propaganda Media Invented a "Russian Bot" Scare to Explain Why Normal Americans Were Calling for the Release of the Devon Nunes Memo Debunking RussiaGate »
January 12, 2023

Harry Markle: When I Applied The Cream to My Aching Penis, I Was Transported and Could Only Think of My Mum's Fragrant Lips

You do you, I guess.

I don't know the context for this, but I guess his dick got cold. The best context would be that he near-froze his dick off while training with the army in Afghanistan, and had this cream recommended to combat pre-frostbite.

That doesn't explain away the gratuitous association of the smell of the cream with his mother's lips, though. Not every stray thought needs be shared.

First I thought this was an edit of words from his audiobook, assembled together out of original context, but David Strom says this is all legit, from his quickie nastybook Spare.

My penis was oscillating between extremely sensitive... and borderline traumatized. The last place I wanted to be was Frostnipistan. I'd been trying some home remedies, including one recommended by a friend. She'd urged me to apply Elizabeth Arden cream.

My mum used that on her lips.

You want me to put that on my todger?

It works, Harry. Trust me.

I found a tube... and the minute I opened it the smell transported me through time I felt as if my mother was right there in the room... And I took a smidge and applied it down there.

The ick factor and squick factor here are high enough to warrant a Wellness Check with a complimentary Forensic Computer Frisk.

How did this strong, self-possessed man become an easy mark for a predatory narcissist with a talent for manipulating weak, needy men with mother-shaped holes in their middles?, asked literally no one.

Thanks to Robert - Metallica, 72 Seasons, Available 4/14.

digg this
posted by Ace at 03:35 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Puddleglum at work: "The F1 live timing and scoring appears stuck. I th ..."

Puddleglum at work: "Hi Skip I checked online. A crash. Weather look ..."

Skip : "Sounded like a plane buzzing my house ..."

Skip : "Everyone better pick a side, Leftism is join or di ..."

Skip : "More carnage in Australia but can't tell what's go ..."

Adriane the Golden Oldies Critic . . . : "[i] https://youtu.be/hIqwzQ7g-Cc [/i] Holy Cow, ..."

Debby Doberman Schultz: "Good night, Horde, I need to be up early. Thanks f ..."

RickZ: "[i]Everybody MUST get stoned! Posted by: Bob Dy ..."

Some rando on the net: "Donald Trump raised four million dollars after the ..."

Cindi Lauperseeder: "Time after Time ..."

Bob Dylan: "Everybody MUST get stoned! ..."

Berserker-Dragonheads Division : "If I won the lottery, well I would buy several of ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64