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June 25, 2022

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (6/25/22)

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The Saturday Night Jokes

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.” H/T Isophorone Blog


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Did you hear the one about the guy with no hands that got the town’s bell tower ringer job and would ring the bell with his head…one day unfortunately he was ringing the bell, got caught off-guard and the bell knocked him over and he fell to his death. Passers-by in the town gathered around at the unfortunate scene and someone asked if anyone knew his name…the town cryer spoke up and said, “I can’t remember his name but his face sure rings a bell.”

So, some weeks later, in memory of his lost sibling, his younger brother honorably accepts the job to proudly ring the town’s bell like his brother before him. Well, it wasn’t many days later then when the young man fell victim to the same terrible fate as his brother. In a most unfortunate play of events, while admirably ringing the bells, the rope caught his foot, threw him off balance and well, sadly he fell out of balcony of the tower and like his brother, died instantly. Once again, passers-by gathered in bewilderment around the lifeless soul. Again someone asked, did anyone know his name? “No!…” cried one of the town’s people, “…but he’s a dead ringer for his brother!”


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Sure, we are in the Summer season. But, nevertheless this is interesting.

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Can you spot the chicks women?

Optical illusion shows four women in snap – but only 2% can spot them all
The mind-boggling optical illusion could leave you baffled for days as it shows four women in the snap, although only 2% of people who viewed the picture can spot them all


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I have heard that flying is safer than driving a car. But if my car's engine stops I can pull over to the side of the road. Tonight's Feel Good Story of The Day.

Kevin Mayes, pilot of a single-engine Cessna, was on his way to Sacramento from Seattle, WA when he suffered catastrophic engine failure at 9,000 feet. Luckily, he was close to an airfield at Hillsboro, OR. Kevin managed to glide to the airport, spiral down to the runway, and make a textbook non-powered landing, all while seeming to barely break a sweat.

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I guess it sucks to be you. Call your dog any damn thing you wish to.

'I'm so embarrassed by what my dad named my puppy - I’ll never get a 'I'm so embarrassed by what my dad named my puppy - I’ll never get a girlfriend'
A man has taken to Reddit to share how his dad went 'rogue' when registering his new puppy at the vets - he was so embarrassed he ended up walking away from the 'cute girl' he had been trying to chat up'
A man has taken to Reddit to share how his dad went 'rogue' when registering his new puppy at the vets - he was so embarrassed he ended up walking away from the 'cute girl' he had been trying to chat up


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The ONT Musical Interlude & 40% Deet Emporium


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Dogs eat homework. And snakes eat pants. Genius Award Winner.

A woman found naked from the waist down told Pennsylvania police that snakes had eaten her pants, according to a court filing.

Responding last Thursday afternoon to multiple 911 calls about a half-dressed woman walking in the middle of a road about 25 miles from Philadelphia, cops found Gloria Harpel, 35, “naked from the waist down and she was rambling.”

Oh I bet she was rambling.


***

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Achievement.

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Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire, AceCorp, LLC and the scoundrels who are in the building on a Saturday night.

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posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:53 PM

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