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February 14, 2022
Hollywood Is Dying and Jessica Chastain is the Grisly Angel of Death Dragging It to the GraveTwo stories I've meant to write about for a while. First, woke is killing Hollywood, and the white liberals are starting to complain that they are blacklisted. Or, whitelisted. Hollywood will barely dare whisper it but the woke revolution that has driven out white men and ensures that every production is ideologically sound will kill the entertainment industry, writes PETER KIEFER and PETER SAVODNIK Note the suggestion that the truth should be covered up for the sake of, what, protecting diversity initiatives? One showrunner, afraid to send his emails to us out of fear of them accidentally winding up on the wrong screen, agreed to show us correspondence with agents, writers, and studio chiefs that capture the new thinking at the highest levels of the Hollywood food chain. And speaking of Woke movie-making: Jessica Chastain's latest vanity project, her attempt to prove that she can be an Action Movie Star, bombed abysmally, taking in an incredibly embarrassing $4.3 million at the box office in its opening weekend. After five full weeks at the box office, plus an additional weekend, it took in $28 million worldwide. It's out on PPV now so that about wraps up its box office take. The Spider-Man movie is almost at $1.8 billion globally so this can't be blamed on covid. Below, the trailer. "Registering one of the worst-ever openings for a film its size... [the] globe-trotting spy movie The 355 is expected to make $4.3 million in its debut weekend," reports Collider. Who is this for?, Nolte asks. Well, it's for Jessica Chastain. Apparently she conceived of the project expressly as a culture war vehicle -- she wanted to "challenge the notion that the action-spy genre belonged to men." That's not an artistic motivation. It's a purely political one. It's not that she has a love of spy action films, it's not that she had a story idea, it's not that she had this "idea burning inside me" -- she just saw something boys were doing and said "girls should plant a flag there to claim territory from the boys." That's about as far from a creative impulse as you can get. It's not even a money-grubbing impulse -- which could result in good art, because good art will often produce money. No, this is a spiteful impulse, an impulse to denigrate and beat up on men -- while also demanding they come give you money to see your movie. As Charlie's Angels did a few years ago. The (female) writer kind of gives away that spiteful motivation. It's not about the story, or the genre, or the love of the action-spy format. Explaining that the Penelope Cruz character is a mother, which is what makes her different than the average male character... There's much more of a present sense of responsibility to the future of our children and our families. There's the sense of, "This is not everything," that comes out of Lupita's character, where she's trying to disentangle herself from this world. Every now and then I see Tom Cruise doing something like that, but it sort of feels like this world has a deeper soul around: Why are we doing this and why is it essential that we do not stop until we do? It's not a game to them, as it is a game to the men who end up all involved in the corrupt and creepy auction at the end. For them, it's all about money and power. For the women, it's all about: We're not going to just let you blow up the world. So men do not have souls and do not care about children or families or the world, just money and "games" and power. Got it. And so of course the movie failed. And who could have guessed a Jessica Chastain project would fail miserably?
But with Girls, see? And all the men are bad, see? The plot's about a stolen NOC list, a beloved colleague is killed early in the film during the NOC list heist, there's a videocamera hidden in eyeglasses, and, at the end, the beloved colleague you thought was dead turns out not to be dead at all, but the Bad Guy. In this movie, the beloved colleague is Jessica Chastain's boyfriend, and he's Evil, because All Men are Bad. They always do this in these movies and then they keep whining: Why don't men see our horrible, uninspired, dull rip-off movies which depict men as stupid weakling monsters? They did the exact same thing in Charlie's Angels, and then did the exact same whining. And they are whining about why men didn't show up for this one, too: This reviewer concedes that the movie is "mediocre," but then demands that you like this mediocre movie, or else just admit you're a misogynist. However, this movie was not bad at all; it did not run too long and did not disappoint in regards to what it promised. It didn't run too long? Wow, what a triumph. "It was under two hours; movie of the year!" "The 355" is advertised as a typical action movie, and that is exactly what it was. Most action movies are quite similar to one another and truly do not have much substance and depth to them. So what is so unlikable about this one? In male-led spy movies, the villains are not women, because they are not gener-bashing political manifestos disguised as entertainments.
As you can see from this review, this reviewer -- a woman -- plainly herself does not like action movies and thinks almost all of them are stupid and unnecessary, and so she's asking Stupid Men: Why don't you like this stupid, uninspired, mind-numbing action movie? It's just as stupid as all of the other ones you like. I mean, that's the problem right there. Women don't like action movies. So... why would they make them, and why would they expect women to go see them? And why would they expect something approaching gender-parity in the number of men and women working on action movies, or seeing action movies? I know that some women will object: But I like action movies! I mean, sure, you like Raiders of the Lost Ark. You like Die Hard. You like Star Wars. You like... the absolute creme de la creme. But do you like... War? Do you like Passenger 57? Do you like Cliffhanger? Do you like Stone Cold? Do you like The Hidden? Well okay, I didn't like all those myself, but I saw all of them. Liking the tip-top first tier offerings of a genre doesn't mean you like the genre, it just means you like tip-top first tier offerings. But I like Little Shop of Horrors. I've seen it thirty times. I like Chicago. I've seen that like eight times. But I haven't seen any other musicals and I'd have to be dragged to see a musical. So I really don't think that Hollywood would get rich trying to make more musicals to appeal to "The Ace of Spades Demographic." I don't think producers should try to make a musicals with my hobbies and interests in mind, such as dogs, erecting quality shelves, looking cool on a Vespa, or banging Garrett's mom. I mean, I'm a "discriminating viewer of musicals" which means I'm extremely choosy. An industry can't survive on choosy customers. It needs voracious customers. It doesn't need discriminating viewers; it needs very undiscriminating viewers. You don't make action movies for women and you don't make musicals for me. You will sometimes make movies that are so good in either of those genres that you will attract atypical audience members, and in those cases, you have cross-over hits or even blockbusters. But you don't make action movies for women. Unless you want to keep making Charlie's Angels ($8 million opening weekend) and The 355 ($4.3 million opening weekend). To date, after five full weeks of exhibition, plus a bonus weekend, The 355 has made only $28 million. Globally. I hope they do keep making these movies, to be honest. I like watching them burn. And just to prove that men like action movies in a way women don't, I wrote a short quiz. I'm going to ask about some real stinker action movies. Definitely not tip-top first tier offering. Bottom tier to just short of the middle tier, at best. I bet that Male Morons of a Certain Age will get a surprising number of questions correct.
In Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, who played Harley Davidson? Who played the Marlboro Man? Which one rode a Harley? Which one smoked? Which Baldwin played one of the leather trenchcoat wearing bad guys?
Answers: In Striking Distance, Bruce Willis gets in trouble and is busted down (yawn) to acting as some kind of river patrol cop. In Pittsburg. His female lead is the newcomer Sarah Jessica Parker who went on to win the Preakness later that year. The song the killer plays is "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. The killer, IIRC, turns out to be the uninsurable Tom Sizemore. His name is Tommy or something dumb, and think he starts screaming like a baby at the end something like "Tommy's the good boy! Tommy's the good boy!" or something. It's embarrassing. I still remember that. No wonder he did drugs and filmed himself banging prostitutes. In many ways, this was the story of Hunter Biden. Update: Jordan61 says I'm wrong, and Wikipedia confirms: There were two soy, weak, schlubby Italian-looking guys, Tom Sizemore and Robert Pastorelli, playing "Danny" and "Jimmy." Although Tom Sizemore is suspected of being the killer for a lot of the movie, it turns out to be this "Jimmy" character, who... um, was previously believed to have committed suicide but Oh No He Didn't. Okay, I got that one wrong. I told you I was going from memory! | Recent Comments
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