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Sex and Proper Grammar!
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3." When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. (H/T TNDeplorable)
***
Moar Saturday Night Joke
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed…
September 30, 2021
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. ‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met’.
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, ‘Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,’ he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. ‘Yes, I do’ she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. ‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’
‘Yes, I remember’ said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?’
‘I remember that, too’ she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have gotten out today.”
When things go terribly wrong in a military aircraft, the pilot’s last resort is the equipment they’re sitting on: the seat. And it cannot fail, ever.
The 200-lb ejection seat, with its 3,500 or so parts, is a remarkable piece of technology that not only gets pilots out of a crashing plane but also ensures they survive the experience more or less unscathed. If the pilot ejects above 16,400 feet where oxygen is scarce, sensors on the chair will let it free-fall to get its occupant down to breathable air as fast as possible, and only then will the parachute open.