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June 17, 2021

Tonight's ONT Is $20, Same As Downtown

Happy Thursday everybody! Tell me, how do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Answer (highlight to read):Ask them to pronounce “Unionized”


Order In The Court

These Insane Legal Plot Twists Had Us Screaming

I did a divorce where the husband (who I was representing) wanted to trade custody of his children for a set of bedroom furniture. The bedroom furniture was not even like a family heirloom. It was furniture that you could probably get at a Rooms-to-Go or something. Ugh, even thinking of that guy still makes me ill. That’s why I got out of family law.

The story about guy who evicted a ghost is pretty funny.

Dear ONT, I Am Pleased To Be Writing To You From My Office In The National Bank Of Nigeria

Ever wonder who falls for those emails? Well, back in the 1990s it was a bank

The Scammer who Sold a $242 Million Imaginary Airport to a Bank

He eventually got caught when another bank tried to buy the first bank and noticed that almost a quarter of a billion in supposed assets didn't exist, but you won't believe the punishment this guy got.

A Question For Gamers

What does “ultra realism” mean? I was told that the trend in games these days is “ultra realism”, and was pointed to the trailer for the new Battlefield 2042 game as an example. Well, the graphics look amazing, but the trailer is filled with people doing things that are flat out impossible, not the least of which was a pilot in a dogfight (modern fighters too, not WWI biplanes) who ejects from his plane, shoots down the other plane with a hand held RPG, and then catches the edge of his cockpit as he's falling past and pulls himself back in. How on Earth is that considered “realism”, never mind the ultra part? Here, judge for yourself (F-35 equipped with hand held anti-tank weapon vs SU-57 at 2:57).

Thursday Night Movie Game


How many of these actors/movies can you name?

Wholesome Stuff

I rather like Ryan Reynolds. He's a decent actor and seems to have a real sense of humor, he doesn't take himself too seriously (which is why he was such a great Deadpool). He also seems to have a really strong relationship with his wife, Blake Lively (and his practice wife was Scarlett Johansson, rrrrowl). The two of them love to troll each other on social media, here are some of the best examples:

Amusing Moments of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Trolling Each Other

Related: Unpopular opinion: I rather liked the Green Lantern movie that he starred in too.


The world's tallest man hung out with the world's shortest woman and the photos are amazing

They are too. You could fit a whole person between the top of her head and the bottom of his.

The Fourth Estate

Matt Gaetz Just Shared Threatening Texts from… REPORTERS.

Seems they are contacting everyone he knows and threatening to include them in made up stories about Rep Gaetz unless they confirm the stories, in which case they'll be left out. “I'm about to go to press with the story of Matt fucking an alligator while you held its tail, if you confirm this I'll leave your name out of it”.


'These places make non-athletic girls feel awful': Mum, 40, breaks down in tears and leaves a fitness class early after the 'fit and attractive' women made her feel a 'failure'

This woman is having a breakdown because there were other women at her gym in better shape than she was. Nobody did or said anything to her, mind you, she just “felt bad” and so she left in tears. She also claims to have G-cup breasts, but looking to her picture there's just no way (Unless 12G means something different in Australia, in which case I apologize for my disparaging remark)

He Was Wearing Bad Idea Jeans

From the video description:

this guy in the video drove 1 hour to my gym just to fight with me.. He said he have been In and out of prison he have anger issues and was looking for somewhere to train. But first he wanted to get in the ring with me.. He said he’s been in many street fights. Also many fights while being locked up. I had no intention to even spar Because I was on crutches and freshly out of hip surgery. After I showed him my crutches he went on to call me a kitty cat and said are you backing out. He is a bully that needed to Be humbled.

Humbled he was.

You Have To Be Shitting Me


But hey, no more mean tweets, right?

Mower Update

Turns out they gave me the wrong ignition switch for my zero turn, hopefully the new one will be in tomorrow and that solves the problem. I have another question. I also have a regular Husqvarna tractor mower that did the same thing (worked one week, next week it wouldn't start. For a moment there I wondered if my shed had been struck by an EMP). On that one, when I turn the key nothing happens, but nothing happens when I short across the posts of the solenoid either. What's the most likely place to look for fault? The ignition switch is new and the battery is fully charged.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by lucky numbers:

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