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October 31, 2020

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (10/31/20) Halloween Edition

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***

The Saturday Night Joke


Three California surgeons were playing golf one Saturday morning and they started to brag on their accomplishments ---

The first one said " I had a patient that cut off four fingers on a table saw and I reattached them so well he now is playing the guitar in a band!"

The second doctor said " I had a patient who was in a bad motorcycle accident and lost his leg and arm. I reattached them and now he's training for the Olympic gymnastics team!"

The third said " That's pretty good, but I had a patient who was riding her horse down a railroad track and was hit by a high-speed train. All they could find remaining was the horse's ass and her hair. I put them together and now she's the Speaker of the House. (H/T OregonMuse)


***


As a teenager I dreamed of a couple of things that weren't X-Rated. One was leaving home, the other was obtaining my driver's license. Not sure about you, but I'm not ready for this.

Watch a self-driving Roborace car drive directly into a wall
Robotic racing still has some work to do before it's ready


Robots still have some trouble handling the basics when put to the test, apparently. Roborace team SIT Acronis Autonomous suffered an embarrassment in round one of the Season Beta 1.1 race after its self-driving car abruptly drove directly into a wall. It’s not certain what led to the mishap, but track conditions clearly weren’t at fault — the car had been rounding a gentle curve and wasn’t racing against others at the same time.

It wasn’t the only car to suffer a problem, either. Autonomous Racing Graz’s vehicle had positioning issues that got it “lost” on the track and cut its race short. The race was still ongoing as we wrote this, so it’s not certain how many of the three remaining competitors were going to pass muster.


***

"The reason I put the skull with my glasses on every album is because it reminds me not to take myself seriously. Most people do take themselves seriously in this job, but so as long as I have that skull wearing my glasses beaming back at me from my luggage tags and shit, it tends to remind me before it's too late, that I better lighten up a little bit."- Warren Zevon

Obviously a Morgan County Tennessee resident felt the same way.

MORGAN COUNTY, Tenn. — A sunglasses-wearing human skull that had been used for over a year to decorate a Tennessee fireplace mantel actually belonged to a man who had been missing since 2012, local authorities said.

An unidentified person found the skull near the town of Gobey and put it on the mantel — where it sat for more than a year with sunglasses on, according to local District Attorney Russell Johnson.

Someone eventually told the local sheriff’s office about the skull, and investigators pulled a DNA sample from it, Johnson said in a statement.

***


The Fabulous Mrs. Mis Hum and I make our own pizza at home using cast iron. However if you aren't that adventurous here are the "Best Frozen Pizzas".

12 Store-Bought Pizzas You Should Pick Up in the Frozen Aisle
These are the best frozen pizzas available at your grocery store.

They say there's no such thing as bad pizza, but that hasn't stopped the frozen-food industry from waging a decades-long experiment to disprove that old adage. Gritty cheese, freezer burned pepperoni, and flat crusts have all played their role in frozen pies before. Still, advances in rising-crust science have forced purveyors to step up their game. We're now living in the golden age of frozen pizza, and some are even better than the chains.

To find the best, I've spent the past two-and-a-half years risking hypothermia in the frozen-food aisle to taste-test the most common frozen pies on shelves. The criteria: I picked all the major brands available in their classic, most basic forms, and rated them based on cheese, sauce, texture, crust, and overall tastiness. If pepperoni was an option, I went with that (I'm only human, after all). Barring that, plain cheese. And, okay, there's also one that has bacon bits as a topping -- but no French bread, bagels, pockets, or specialties. Just good ol' pizza. This quest is ongoing, will be regularly updated, and will continue until I've eaten them all, or my doctor steps in. Here are 12 pies I'll stand by in the year 2020.


***


Wonder if he is related to Lena Dunham? Quite the cannonball!
(C'mon and click, you know you want to and it's safe :) )


***


I probably don't need to know this. But, you will if you are ever interviewed by Elon Musk for a job.

You never know what to expect from Elon Musk, whether he's saying settlers will die on Mars, claiming the sun will someday power all of civilization, or naming his new baby after a spy plane. (And that's just in the last few months.) So it may come as no surprise that interviewing for a job with the Tesla and SpaceX CEO may involve, well, a few surprises.

According to the 2017 Musk-authorized biography Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future, there's at least one question that Musk supposedly puts to prospective employees to catch them off-guard.

As author Ashlee Vance puts it:

"He might ask one question, or he might ask several. You can be sure, though, that he will roll out the riddle:You’re standing on the surface of the Earth. You walk one mile south, one mile west and one mile north. You end up exactly where you started. Where are you?”

***


The ONT gets clinical. FIVE LIES YOU’VE BEEN TOLD ABOUT BREASTS

Why do so many women in paintings have one tig ol’ bitty hanging out? What is Go Topless Day really about? Let’s find out the truth.

The world is full of lies, and it’s hard to get through life without taking a few on board. Luckily, we’re here to sort the fact from the fiction, and find the plankton of truth in the ocean of bullshit. This week: Breasts! What are they actually for? What connects toplessness with alien harems? Let’s motorboat our way to the truth by uncovering some breast facts and myths.


***


At one time or another, I believe we have all seen the wonderful descriptions provided by realtors. If you were a realtor how would you describe these locations?


***


Now that's a Life Style!!! 600 rats collected behind Utah home where pythons roamed freely, police say

When undercover police officers entered Marty Bone’s home, they say they spotted — and recorded — several big snakes freely slithering throughout the house.

“The video shows several large snakes roaming throughout the house, including a very large snake in the hallway, another large snake coiled up under the couch in the living room, and another large snake coiled up on a shelf,” according to a search warrant affidavit.

The warrant offering more details about what was found inside Bone’s home was unsealed Wednesday.

Of the 20 snakes that were seized from the Holladay house on Oct. 13: Eight Burmese pythons — three of them over 10 feet long and one 11-foot snake — were found in the kitchen and living room areas; three Burmese pythons — all 10 and 11 feet long — were found in the hallway and bathroom area; three more, also 10 and 11 feet long, were found in a bedroom; and six baby Burmese pythons were found in a makeshift enclosure in the living room, according to the warrant.

Also, marijuana found in the kitchen and refrigerator, more than 200 morphine and oxycodone pills, and 20 firearms found in a walk-in closet were seized, the warrant states.

In addition to the snakes, 585 living rats and 16 dead rats were collected from Bone’s backyard, as well as 47 living rabbits and five dead ones, according to the affidavit.


***

The ONT Musical Interlude


Is Billy Idol a Moron or a moron?



On this day: 31 Oct 1990
During a gig in Seattle, Washington, Billy Idol dumped 600 dead fish in Faith No More's dressing room. They responded by walking on stage, naked during Idol's set. via thisdayinmusic.com

&&&


The following was submitted by our Moron friend, Doof.

Hello Mis Hum!

Submitting this short missive as a potential musical interlude addition to your ONT for Saturday Oct 31, 2020 - which is the 59th birthday of Larry Mullen, Jr, drummer and founder of U2.

In October 2001, they performed their first ever show in Baltimore, our hometown. This was the 3rd leg of their ELEVATION tour. We waited in line outside the Baltimore Arena all day so we could get a spot close to the stage. We were fortunate enough to get inside “the heart” – which was a secondary stage/walkway, shaped like a heart, that separated the fans closest to the stage from the others on the floor of the arena. The Baltimore Arena is a small old arena. It has a stage at one end with no seats behind it. So my photos from that night look like they were taken at a club or in a basement! [I’m attaching a few of the ones I took that night in case you decide to use any of this.]


The most memorable part of the day in Baltimore? All day, Mrs. Doof was talking about trying to see the band as they arrived at the arena. She just wanted to see them and maybe get a photo or two. I waited in line, holding her spot while she went to the performers entrance in the late afternoon. Just in case she could snag an autograph, she had brought along a “I {heart} U2” NY license plate that we had picked up in Times Square earlier that year. After a while, she came back beaming. ALL FOUR members of the band had come out to see the fans – and she got ALL FOUR of them to sign her license plate! I’m attaching a photo of that, too.

Thanks for considering this U2-related story for possible inclusion in the ONT. And thanks for always bringing us Hordelings such great ONT content!

Take care,
Doof


IMG_2786.jpg

(Of course there is a Mystery Click)


Thank you Mr. & Mrs. Doof for tonight's contribution and kind words about The ONT.

***


I can't speak for you but I do understand the frustration with cable television. But that doesn't mean I become a Genius Award Winner.

An unhappy cable customer who disliked the company's refund policy smashed a cash register with a crowbar and took some money, police said.

Diahianna Serraty, 34, of Deltona, unsatisfied with Spectrum's service, entered their location at 2565 Enterprise Road at around 12:33 p.m. and demanded her money back.

“Unhappy customer wanted a refund and got upset,” Orange City police Lt. Jason Sampsell said. “Hit a register with a crowbar, yelled at employees and took some money.”

***


That was close. By the width of a G-string. An unusual Saturday Night Feel Good Story of The Day.

EL PASO, Texas (KTSM) — The El Paso City Council clashed over strip clubs during the continued work session agenda that was postponed from Monday.

The city reps were divided on whether the city is doing enough to protect the community from COVID-19. They spent hours going back and forth Tuesday night having discussions and giving suggestions on shutting down some businesses in efforts to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Some reps are adamant about protecting businesses instead, and not superseding any current orders.

In regards to strip clubs, City Attorney Karla Nieman said that according to Gov. Greg Abbott’s current orders, all businesses can be open at 50 percent while practicing safety measures against the virus.

Nieman explained that the City cannot supersede those orders.

Some city reps went on to say that they’re willing to go against current orders in hopes of further protecting the community, while others said they also need to consider the effects that small business owners are facing.

“The problem that we keep running into in this conversation is that the governor has made it very clear that cities in local government and counties can’t pass ordinances or orders that are contrary to his directives and executive orders,” Nieman explained. “So us, council proposing to shut down a specific type of business that has already been open would be contrary to those orders.”

The vote to shut down strip bars ultimately failed. City Reps. Dr. Sam Morgan, Isabel Salcido, Claudia Rodriguez and Cissy Lizarraga voted against the item. Margo broke the tie vote.

***


Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Costumes.


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Notice: Posted with permission by the party goers at Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. The weekend staff is pissed, be careful. No candy corn for them.

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posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:43 PM

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