Sponsored Content




Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















Lockdowns Are Unconstitutional Absent Clear Evidence Of Extraordinary Need, And Wuhan Flu Ain't It | Main | Food Thread: Bread And Circuses And Weird Booze...But Mostly Bread
October 04, 2020

First-World Problems...Part šešiasdešimt aštuoni

theenemy.jpg

I hate the little bastards, and their even smaller buddies called chipmunks. As far as I can tell they search for buried nuts by smell, and they clearly don't have finely tuned olfactory tools, because they dig a lot for not much gain. And those holes are everywhere, including in flower pots? Freshly planted flower pots that absolutely do not have any nuts in them.

And let us not even mention when they manage to get into the house...usually the attic...where they revel in chewing conduit and ripping up insulation and making a horrendous racket at 3:00am.

And because I live in a socialist/fascist hell-hole that doesn't allow me the pleasure of shooting the furry little shits whenever I see them, I have to resort to other means of population suppression. Trapping works, but the most efficient trapping methods are a bit too public for my taste, since the laws in enlightened New Jersey are a bit murky. In fact, everything I am writing is for entertainment's sake, since I would never violate the laws of this state!

Poison is always an option, but keeping the bait away from dogs and cats and children is a challenge. Long stretches of PVC pipe, preferably with an angle in them work well. Just place the (hypothetical peanut butter mixed with ground mouse poison) bait in the middle, far from the curious tongues and hands of the innocent.

But...there are lots of them, and I am fairly confident that there aren't very many of me, so it is a constant battle to keep the population down around my house.

If only hipsters discovered squirrel stew or squirrel tail hats or squirrel claw necklaces or...


digg this
posted by CBD at 02:00 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Moron Robbie - the opposite of mansplaining is misunderstanding: "Imagine being a minority and realizing Google thin ..."

G'rump928(c) : "[i]Santa is a Minor Attracted Person. Posted by ..."

The Central Scrutinizer: "86 Imagine being a minority and realizing Google t ..."

LinusVanPelt : "Depict Fani Willis' flaming snizz. Posted by: Pro ..."

Gemini: "HELP IM BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY CRAZED COMMIES! ..."

Moron Analyst: "Some of these attempts to trick the AI into genera ..."

Aetius451AD: "81 Ask it to show Trump supporters. Or MAGA peeps. ..."

... : "Nvidia chips allow consumers to run AI without cen ..."

Huck Follywood: "This is proof positive King Harv is not using AI t ..."

Ian S.: "[i]I bet if you asked for an image of Adolph Hitle ..."

Maj. Healey: "75 Ironic part? Most of the people complaining are ..."

Mark1971: "Babylon Bee: Google Gemini Finally Draws White Man ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64