Glorious: "A Handy Guide to Writing a NeverTrumper Column"

It's all 100% true.

With so many people stuck at home these days, many are contemplating dipping their toes into the world of professional writing. While it’s true that many journalists have been losing their jobs or taking pay cuts, especially in the time of virus, some niche areas are still booming. Provided you have the correct prerequisites, writing the NeverTrump column could be a quick and easy way to write essays for fun and profit.

Aside from the fact that important daily newspapers and blogs around the country run the NeverTrump column every day, making it a target rich environment, it has another advantage. You only have to write it once. After that you just move a few words around, replace Russia with Ukraine, emoluments for tax fraud, whatever really. You could probably even set up a template and a thesaurus algorithm and make the whole enterprise as quick as pushing one button.

For those of you who think you are ready to jump into this exciting world, who think they posses that special mixture of smugness, selective fact use, outrage, and profound conceit, here’s a quick how-to guide to get you started.

1. I'm A Conservative, No Really

So this is basic but very important. The whole point of the NeverTrump column is that you are a conservative, so you criticizing Trump makes it especially meaningful. You want to say things like, "I've voted Republican my entire life," and heap praise on Mitt Romney. If you were in any conservative college clubs, that's good, maybe publications in conservative outlets before Trump was elected. That kind of thing.

But keep in mind, your real job here is to assure liberals that they are right about Trump, and give them ammunition to say, "look, even a conservative says so." Let's face it, WaPo and the Times and aren’t buying these pieces looking for the next James Joyce, you’re selling confirmation bias. One thing you might want to gloss over is any support you may have had for the Iraq War.

The next part is of course, "2. I Had to Make a Heroic Stand."

Quick word on that: NeverTrumpers are always congratulating themselves on their alleged "courage" for betraying a disfavored and in fact frequently hated political minority to join the liberal media-government consensus that has near 100% hegemony over our entire culture and billions of dollars in funding from leftwing foundations and almost all big corporations and which has lots of contributorships and fellowships to hand out because they control the media and the think tanks.

This is like members of the French Resistance deciding they don't like the nasty tactics the group is using against the Nazis, and then joining the Nazis and hunting down their former comrades, and then congratulating themselves on how brave they were to defect from a tiny harried underground movement to join a nigh-unstoppable army that controls the entire country.

In fact, NeverTrump is exactly like that.

"Oh look at us, we're so brave to have given up sleeping in the sewers and scrounging food to living in palaces seized by the Nazis and granted to us as a reward for changing sides. Aren't we just the absolute tops in moral perfection. Here, let me sermonize to you about how Jesus would have joined the Nazis."

Anyway, do read that article. Really good.

Update:

posted by Ace at 04:12 PM

| Access Comments