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August 31, 2019

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (8/31/19)

***

The Saturday Night Joke

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,
and loved to charge around the nursing home,
taking corners on one wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor
when a door opened and Clarence
stepped out with his arm outstretched.
'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice.
'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag
and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper
and held it up to him.
'OK' he said,
and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel,
Harold popped out in front of her
and shouted 'STOP!
Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag,
pulled out a drink coaster
and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said
'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor,
Crazy Fred stepped out in front of her,
Butt-Naked, and holding
his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.

'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel,

'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!'

***

Which do you keep?

***

Why the smartest people can make the dumbest mistakes.

It is June 17, 1922, and two middle-aged men—one short and squat, the other tall and lumbering with a walrus moustache—are sitting on the beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey. They are Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle—and by the end of the evening, their friendship will never be the same again.

***

The ONT Musical Interlude
Labor Day Edition

&&&

***

What doesn't mix with guns? Alcohol and a Genius Award Winner.

The vice commander of the Girardville American Legion post was arrested Monday and charged with shooting and killing another man earlier in the day.

Michael F. Grady, 36, of 604 Hobart St., was arrested by Butler Township police Patrolman Shawn Butler and charged with shooting and killing Steven Joshua Molina around 4 a.m. inside Grady’s home, where the two and others were drinking.

***

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Summer Vacation.

Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. No one laboring here.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:38 PM

| Access Comments


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Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries A bold educational change in New Zealand The Classical Saturday Coffee Break & Prayer Revival Daily Tech News 21 December 2024 Just The ONT, Ma'am Giant Animals Cafe Quick Hits Democrat Strategist Ruy Texiera: The Public Gave the Democrats a Clear Message About Their Rejection of Identity Marxism, But the Democrats Don't Want to Listen Kamala Harris To Be Offered $20 Million in a Media Payoff Disguised as an "Advance" on Book Royalties Plus: Media Makes Excuses for Covering Up Biden's Obvious Senility AGAIN: A Car Plows Through a German Christmas Market at a Very High Speed, Sending People Flying Like Bowling Pins, Killing an Unknown Number David Samuels: Barack Obama Created and Maintains an Echo Chamber Messaging System That Deranges and Perverts People's Thinking Every Day Absent Friends Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info: maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security Cutting The Cord [Joe Mannix (not a cop)] Cutting The Cord: It's Easier Than You Think [Blaster] Private Email and Secure Signatures [Hogmartin] Moron Meet-Ups	« Saturday Evening Movie Thread 08-31-2019 [Hosted By: MovieGique] \| Main \| EMT 09/01/19 » August 31, 2019 Saturday Overnight Open Thread (8/31/19) * The Saturday Night Joke Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.' As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Fred stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!' * Which do you keep? * * Why the smartest people can make the dumbest mistakes. It is June 17, 1922, and two middle-aged men—one short and squat, the other tall and lumbering with a walrus moustache—are sitting on the beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey. They are Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle—and by the end of the evening, their friendship will never be the same again. * The ONT Musical Interlude Labor Day Edition &&& * What doesn't mix with guns? Alcohol and a Genius Award Winner. The vice commander of the Girardville American Legion post was arrested Monday and charged with shooting and killing another man earlier in the day. Michael F. Grady, 36, of 604 Hobart St., was arrested by Butler Township police Patrolman Shawn Butler and charged with shooting and killing Steven Joshua Molina around 4 a.m. inside Grady’s home, where the two and others were drinking. *** Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Summer Vacation. Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. No one laboring here. posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:38 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments [/i][/b]andycanuck (hovnC)[/s][/u]: "Maral Salmassi @MaralSalmassi Despite claims made ..." jimmymcnulty: "Are Australian pizzas served upside down. Asking ..." Viggo Tarasov: "Hey, that tweezer thing can really pluck someone u ..." Eromero: "322 German police valiantly confiscating a Swiss A ..." Anna Puma: "BOLO Rowdy the kangaroo has jumped his fence an ..." fd: "You can't leave Islam. 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