Ace of Spades HQ

« Saturday Evening Movie Thread 08-31-2019 [Hosted By: MovieGique] | Main | EMT 09/01/19 »

August 31, 2019

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (8/31/19)

***

The Saturday Night Joke

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,
and loved to charge around the nursing home,
taking corners on one wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor
when a door opened and Clarence
stepped out with his arm outstretched.
'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice.
'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag
and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper
and held it up to him.
'OK' he said,
and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel,
Harold popped out in front of her
and shouted 'STOP!
Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag,
pulled out a drink coaster
and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said
'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor,
Crazy Fred stepped out in front of her,
Butt-Naked, and holding
his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.

'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel,

'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!'

***

Which do you keep?

***

Why the smartest people can make the dumbest mistakes.

It is June 17, 1922, and two middle-aged men—one short and squat, the other tall and lumbering with a walrus moustache—are sitting on the beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey. They are Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle—and by the end of the evening, their friendship will never be the same again.

***

The ONT Musical Interlude
Labor Day Edition

&&&

***

What doesn't mix with guns? Alcohol and a Genius Award Winner.

The vice commander of the Girardville American Legion post was arrested Monday and charged with shooting and killing another man earlier in the day.

Michael F. Grady, 36, of 604 Hobart St., was arrested by Butler Township police Patrolman Shawn Butler and charged with shooting and killing Steven Joshua Molina around 4 a.m. inside Grady’s home, where the two and others were drinking.

***

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Summer Vacation.

Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. No one laboring here.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:38 PM

| Access Comments


Advertise Here! Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Recent Entries Wednesday Overnight Open Thread (4/24/24 White Devil Alec Baldwin Cafe Quick Hits The Alec Baldwin Harassment Incident Just Got Weirder Journ-O-List 2.0: Fake Reporters "Covering" the Trump Trials Get Together on Weekly Zoom Calls to Coordinate Their Biased Stories Released Emails Show Biden's White House Conspiring With Bureaucrats to Force the Documents Issue Hamas Releases Disgusting Propaganda Video of American Hostage Forced to Read Pro-Hamas Statement -- His Arm Missing Due to Hamas' Attacks on Him Biden Slurs His Way Through a Shpeech About Funding His Paymaters In Ukraine Update: At Fundraiser, Biden Accidentally Reads Aloud the Scripted Stage Directions Senate Passes Ukraine Funding Bill Wednesday Morning Rant Absent Friends Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info: maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security Cutting The Cord [Joe Mannix (not a cop)] Cutting The Cord: It's Easier Than You Think [Blaster] Private Email and Secure Signatures [Hogmartin] Moron Meet-Ups PNWMoMe 2024: 06/01/2024 Yakima, WA contact Mark Andrew Edwards NoVaMoMe 2024: 06/08/2024 Arlington, VA Registration Is Open! Texas MoMe 2024: 10/18/2024-10/19/2024 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info	« Saturday Evening Movie Thread 08-31-2019 [Hosted By: MovieGique] \| Main \| EMT 09/01/19 » August 31, 2019 Saturday Overnight Open Thread (8/31/19) * The Saturday Night Joke Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.' As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Fred stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!' * Which do you keep? * * Why the smartest people can make the dumbest mistakes. It is June 17, 1922, and two middle-aged men—one short and squat, the other tall and lumbering with a walrus moustache—are sitting on the beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey. They are Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle—and by the end of the evening, their friendship will never be the same again. * The ONT Musical Interlude Labor Day Edition &&& * What doesn't mix with guns? Alcohol and a Genius Award Winner. The vice commander of the Girardville American Legion post was arrested Monday and charged with shooting and killing another man earlier in the day. Michael F. Grady, 36, of 604 Hobart St., was arrested by Butler Township police Patrolman Shawn Butler and charged with shooting and killing Steven Joshua Molina around 4 a.m. inside Grady’s home, where the two and others were drinking. *** Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Summer Vacation. Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. No one laboring here. posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:38 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments Philip J Fry: "[i]A can of sardines packed in 2000 will still be ..." [/i][/b]andycanuck (vtyCZ)[/s][/u]: "283 I love the early goalie pull … -------- ..." JT: "The difference between a sardine and a smelt? 1/2 ..." browndog is petty that way : "I love the early goalie pull … ..." Cannibal Bob: ""That and showing off for the kids, trying to be r ..." San Franpsycho: "reaches for brain bleach ..." San Franpsycho: "The scene of Biden mistakenly reading the stage di ..." SFGoth: "Billboard that used to be in San Francisco: w ..." ...: "NEW: UCLA medical school's mandatory health equity ..." Ben Had: "The difference between a sardine and a smelt? 1/2 ..." SFGoth: "If you leave out eggs, butter, milk, OJ, Bread and ..." JackStraw: ">>They've been like that for decades even with coa ..." Recent Entries Wednesday Overnight Open Thread (4/24/24 White Devil Alec Baldwin Cafe Quick Hits The Alec Baldwin Harassment Incident Just Got Weirder Journ-O-List 2.0: Fake Reporters "Covering" the Trump Trials Get Together on Weekly Zoom Calls to Coordinate Their Biased Stories Released Emails Show Biden's White House Conspiring With Bureaucrats to Force the Documents Issue Hamas Releases Disgusting Propaganda Video of American Hostage Forced to Read Pro-Hamas Statement -- His Arm Missing Due to Hamas' Attacks on Him Biden Slurs His Way Through a Shpeech About Funding His Paymaters In Ukraine Update: At Fundraiser, Biden Accidentally Reads Aloud the Scripted Stage Directions Senate Passes Ukraine Funding Bill Wednesday Morning Rant Search Search this site: Polls! Polls! Polls! Real Clear Politics Rasmussen Reports Gallup Frequently Asked Questions What is the Deal with the Cowbell? Why is the Ace of Spades called "the Death Card"? The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick Primary Document: The Audio Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an Fckin' Hammer Top Top Tens Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really* Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Syndicate this site (XML) Powered by Movable Type 2.64