CNN "Journalist" Chris Cillizza Puts His Juvenile Twitter Thoughts Into "Article Format," and "Real News" CNN Publishes

Seriously, is this journalism, or just repackaging your sickest-burnzzz tweets?

The 32 most shocking lines from Donald Trump's Cincinnati campaign rally

Clickbait headline that even BuzzFeed would be embarrassed about (but would still publish, natch).

Remember, this is Real Journalism.

I went through the transcript of the speech. The lines you need to see are below.

More BuzzFeed hype.

1. "I was watching the so-called debate last night. And I also watched the night before, that was long, long television."

Long television. You bet. And away we go!

I'm sorry, was this shocking? It was six hours plus, both nights combined.

Do you watch so much tv that this does not seem like "long television" to you?

I wouldn't bet against it -- these fat shut-in social media whores spend all their time Not on twitter watching all the tv shows (and there are like 50 of them) that all their twitter support group recommends.

2. "Democrats spent more time attacking Barack Obama than they did attacking me, practically."

True!

If it's true, in what sense is it shocking?

3. "So, we've got thousands of people standing outside, and I asked the officials, can we sneak some up along the aisles? Can they sit on the stairs? But I tell you what, this is some crowd, some turnout. We've sold tens of thousands of tickets."

Trump is heavily invested in creating a perception of want; every arena has every seat sold out and thousands more people have to be turned away. I think he would say that if he was speaking in a high school cafeteria. It's just who he is.

So you... haven't bothered to check if this is true or not?

This is just plain ol' stream-of-consciousness Twitter riffing. Or, as CNN calls it: Real News.

4. "And we won. And we won by a lot."

Trump lost the popular vote to Hillary Clinton by almost 3 million votes. His 304-227 electoral vote margin was in the bottom third of all margins of victory by past presidents.

Well, this is False, as PolitiFact would rate it. Since the electoral battlelines have hardened, most contests are decided by ahistorically low electoral vote differentials.

So Trump's win can't really be judged by ancient history, but should be judged by recent history.

In any event, this is what we call "puffery," a legal category of an advertising statement which cannot be judged to be true or false or even misleading. Claiming nonspecific things like you're "the best" and that your hands are "on the larger side of average" are puffery and don't really deserve even being noted.

On the other hand, making specific promises like "If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor," knowing they are false, is legally "fraud" in a sales context.

5. "We have the No. 1 economy on Earth. No economy is close."

The US has had the world's largest economy since 1871, which predates Trump's presidency.

Remember, you were promised a list of his "most shocking" statements that you "need to see."

6. "Ohio is the most successful it's ever been in the history of our country."

I have no idea how Trump draws this conclusion. There isn't a historic "success" metric I am aware of.

Oh.

7. "I'm starting to like Mexico a lot. They do a lot more for us than the Democrats do, right, a lot more."

Well, they did pay for that wall like you said they would! Wait...

You share Jonah Goldberg's wicked-sharp sense of humor as well as his Muh Body Diversity beauty.

8. "Five hundred seventy-two people were murdered in Chicago last year."

The number is actually 539, according to the city's medical examiner. Which still a ton -- although 2018 was the second straight year that homicides were down in Chicago.

He got the number slightly wrong on the low side. Wow, this is shocking.

9. "You see, there are thousands of people outside and I said, I agree, we set a new record tonight at this arena but we could get a few more on the floors, a few more up here, we could get -- and they're outside where it's 100 degrees out."

Again, the need to create the perception of desire is so high in Trump. Every time he speaks anywhere, he sets a record for crowd size, in his own mind.

Is it true or not? Ascertaining that would require this ovoid sack of estrogen and failure to do some work, and he's too busy with his Tweety Queen act for that.

...

11. "Deplorable was not a good day for Hillary. Crooked Hillary. She is a crooked one. Crooked."

Yes, of course, the crowd began chanting "Lock her up!" after Trump said this. On a related note, the 2016 election ended 997 days ago.

...

13. "And our tax plan also created nearly 9,000 opportunity zones, hottest thing going, providing massive new incentives for investment in job creation in distressed communities."

"Hottest thing going." -- The President of the United States

So the theme here is that none of this is shocking or even wrong -- Chris Cillizza is living his life as an openly-fat man, and just wants you to know he's literally shaking at everything Trump says.

15. "Democrats deliver poverty for their constituents and privilege for themselves."

This is a good line -- and an effective one, politically. The problem for Trump is that it's buried under his asides, misstatements and other general verbal ephemera.

16. "And did you ever hear sometimes you can do such a good job that not everybody appreciates it."

In my head literally every day.

Do you hear that in your head every day, Chris? Do you really think you produce work of publishable quality? Or, to be specific: Work of publishable quality in a non-BuzzFeed, non-Fake-News, non-Outrage-Economy milleu?

17. "He was sharp, wasn't he? He was sharp as a tack."

Trump is mocking Robert Mueller here, in particular the former special counsel's testimony on Capitol Hill. Because of course he is.

Your reminder that CNN calls Trump stupid, racist, and crazy every single day, but still finds time to chide him for personal insults.

21. "America is not being pushed around anymore, do you realize that?"

This is as good a summary of Trump's foreign policy "vision" as I've seen.

What an empty statement. Yes, Trump restating the central proposition of his foreign policy vision (no sneer quotes needed) is in fact a good restatement of the central proposition of his foreign policy vision.

Etc.

32. "We are going to keep on fighting, and we are going to keep on winning, winning, winning."

"We're going to win. We're going to win so much. We're going to win at trade, we're going to win at the border. We're going to win so much, you're going to be so sick and tired of winning, you're going to come to me and go 'Please, please, we can't win anymore.' You've heard this one. You'll say 'Please, Mr. President, we beg you sir, we don't want to win anymore. It's too much. It's not fair to everybody else.' And I'm going to say 'I'm sorry, but we're going to keep winning, winning, winning, We're going to make America great again.'" -- Trump, May 2016. This feels like a good place to end.

The ninth donut felt like a good place to end, yet you Powered Through, as your hero Hillary Clinton did.

You fat femmy princess. You useless egg. You cretinous thumb.

Is it "Real News," or is it just Twitter snark?

Can you tell any longer?

Does anyone in the "Real News Media" even bother making a distinction any longer?

Phase One: Twitter is real life

Phase Two: Twitter "pals" are real friends and Twitter flirtation is real romance

Phase Three: Twitter is real journalism and real work

Phase Four: Twitter is real Church

Phase Five: There is no world except the one we make together on Twitter

Oh: Here's some more Real News from Real Journalists Anderson Cooper, former host of the reality TV game show "The Mole" (oh, but Trump used to host a reality tv show, but that's bad!) and Oprah Winfrey Wannabe Jim Acosta.

All of this Real News -- how can I handle all of this Real News?

posted by Ace of Spades at 04:58 PM

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