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June 24, 2019

The Morning Rant

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"You know, I'm about ready to do a deal on reparations. Wait, don't go, this is not going to be 'The Conservative Case For Caving In On Reparations', no, you'll have to go to the Cuckshed Bulwark Online for that, but here it is: we give reparations, we will make one TRILLION dollars available to any American citzen of African American descent (and we'll use the old 'one drop rule' for mixed-race determination) and in return, everyone will have to finally SHUT UP, once and for all, about racism. That's it. Finished. It's done. You don't get to talk about it, whine about it, bitch about it any more. Disband Black Lives Matter. Dissolve the NAACP, abolish the Congressional Black Caucus, and revoke Farrakhan's cult church's tax-exempt status. No more bitching and moaning, you've been paid off and you now have to get on with your lives. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will now have to get real jobs. African Americans can pool all of that sweet, sweet reparations cash and use it to rebuild Detroit, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and other inner cities without any interference from evil racist white guys. We could all live together in peace and love and harmony. Thank God Almighty, we'll be free at last. For a measely trillion dollars, it would almost be worth it. But the reason this is not a serious proposal is that I realize that even with this payout, it's not going to end there. Here's a book that argues for giving reparations for women for all of the uncompensated work that they've done over the years. And perhaps you've heard that Elizabeth Warren wants to give reparations to homosexuals for supposed injustices in the U.S. tax code due to 'unequal marriage laws'. As soon as we pay off one reparation claim, every last aggrieved minority will be lining up for their slice of the reparations pie. In fact, they'll probably even invent some new aggrieved groups just for the purpose of cashing in. And holy smokes, this is where intersectionality is really going to pay off big time. Because it's going to be reparations now, reparations tomorrow, and reparations forever."

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Of Course There Will Be Cheaters:

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Better Living Through Chemistry:

Who Dis:

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For the 'Ettes:

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Friday's celebs: Morena Baccarin and Nathan Fillion from Firefly. Which, contrary to popular opinion, did not end too early. Because had it continued, Joss Whedon most likely would have ruined it.

Today's Edition Of The Morning Rant Is Brought To You By Honey Glazed Spiral-Cut Ham:

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(click to embiggen ham)

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posted by OregonMuse at 11:14 AM

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