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November 19, 2018

Sloppy Daniels: Trump Destroyed My "Career" of "Writing" and "Directing" "Movies" of People Having Sex

Sounds to me like someone's testing the waters for a GoFundMe.

Donald Trump sex scandal has "completely destroyed" Stormy Daniels' writing and directing career, the adult film actress told members of the Oxford Union debating society Thursday evening.

Hmmm, what should I have the pizza delivery guy say here?

"I got some extra sausage for you"? Nahhh, too hacky.

"You don't have money for a tip? Well I've got a tip right here"? Eh, feels like it's been done before.

"I'll give you the pie for free if you give me your pie"? Damn, that's brilliant! Another bit of perfect Stormy Daniels dialogue!!!

The political "shitshow" of the last ten months left her with no capacity to write movies--her favorite part of working in porn--she said during an event entitled "Sex, Guns and Other Fluff: How Porn Can Set You Free."

But Daniels--real name Stephanie Clifford--vowed to keep working in the adult film world. Although she was on "an unofficial break" from writing and directing, she said she certainly hadn't retired. "I'll probably never leave the adult film industry," she added.

She needs to spend more time with her stripping.

Producing a porn film, Daniels told the packed debating hall, was an intensive process. "I write the script down, I do the budget, I do the shoot schedule, I pick out the wardrobe," she said.

I like the inadvertent admission about "writing" a porn script. She specifies the main work of a "writing" a porn script isn't actually "writing" it at all, but "writing down" the porn script.

Because, let's face it, it's all the same thing. The only genuine work involved is taking a pen and literally writing down "Then she eats his butt" on to a legal pad.


Los Angeles downtown skyline shrouded by haze.


an open window in a house clearly nowhere near Los Angeles' downtown.


She eats his butt.


He smiles. He likes having his butt eaten.

Thank you. I like having my butt eaten.


into his butt. Which she is eating.


"I had no idea what I was getting myself into," she told the audience, referring to the ongoing scandal. "Nor would I realize what a huge impact the circus would have, not only on my life, but the rest of the world."

She had no idea there was going to be a media circus when she sent her Creepy Porn Lawyer out on tv to talk about a detailed description of the president's penis, kept in a safe, or when she herself advertised Trump's penis as being "mushroom" shaped, which I'm not even sure is an insult.

Meanwhile, some potentially bad news for Creepy Porn Lawyer: Sloppy Daniels says she'll fire him if it turns out that the felony domestic violence charges against him are true.

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posted by Ace of Spades at 04:00 PM

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