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August 15, 2018

That Lowlife Dog Omarosa: Trump's Mental and Physical Decline Is Due to His Coke Habit.
His Diet Coke Habit, Which the World Does Not Yet Know the Full Extent of.
Yes I'm Serious.

Wow, if this book has further blockbuster revelations like this, it could sell dozens!

In "Unhinged: An Insider Account of the Trump White House," former reality-TV star-turned-White House staffer Omarosa Manigault Newman says the President's mental and physical decline in the most powerful office in the world is because he likes the soda a little too much. The Daily News received an advance copy of the book due out Tuesday.

In fact, the President keeps a box on his desk with a button that he can push when he wants his favorite beverage.

“The world has yet to learn about the extent of Donald Trump's Diet Coke habit,” Manigault Newman says in the book. “He always had one in his hand, as far back as I've known him. He's up to eight cans a day, at least. Eight cans a day, for the last 15 years, is 43,800 cans of Diet Coke, poured into his system. In the White House , he just pushes a button in a wooden box on his desk. He can summon anything with that button. Whenever I went in to brief him, he'd push the button and get us Diet Cokes."

Scandalous! I know Brian Stelter of CNN will certainly be shocked by Trump's unhealthy dietary habits.

Another shock revelation from the book: Trump hits the tanning bed every morning to look bronzed.

Which to me is a reverse-revelation: I assumed he was putting on bronzing make-up. But no, apparently his unnatural tan is actually natural. (Or, at least: Real.)

Gee, I can't believe the Daily News is going out of business. They've got more scoops than Raisin Bran.

Here's one "scoop," though I suppose this is common knowledge: Trump owns two guns, Ta .45-caliber Heckler & Koch pistol and a .38-caliber Smith & Wesson revolver.

But wait, that dog Omarosa has more to tell you about That Devil Cola:

...

All of his strange habits can be traced back to Diet Coke, Manigault Newman claims.

"When I started to have grave concerns for his mental health, I connected the dots to his physical health and poor choices, specifically, his soda habit," she said.

She said she looked into it and found support for her hypothesis.

"I researched it, and found a brand-new study by a team of neurologists from Boston University that linked Diet Coke consumption with dementia and increased risk of stroke. Dementia. Not being able to remember anything, confusion, loss of vocabulary and ability to process information. Stroke,” she writes.

By "researched" it, she means she typed "Diet Coke" into her Google search field. And then -- Jackpot!


digg this
posted by Ace of Spades at 03:32 PM

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