Saturday Overnight Open Thread (8/11/18)

The Saturday Night Joke

A Virgin Bride On Her 4th Wedding

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

"WELL!" replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"

"That one was a Democrat", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

Man vs. Nature. Yes, one man (in this instance) can make a difference. Jadav Payeng a modern day "Johnny Appleseed" in his own right. h/t NaCly Dog

Blessed with green fingers and a determination to preserve the natural world, this is the extraordinary story of a man who has single-handily created a forest bigger than New York's Central Park.

Jadav Payeng who lives on Majuli in Assam, India - the world's largest river island - was alarmed by the devastation caused to the land after a bout of extreme flooding and drought in 1979.

In a bid to prevent further erosion to his homeland, the then 16-year-old decided he would plant a sapling in the barren soil every day for the foreseeable future and now, 39 years on, his woodland covers 1,360 acres (Central Park measures 840 acres in comparison) and it is home......

My guess? This kid is going to put his parents into one crappy nursing home.

Being a dumb ass and fat ass is no way to play "Tourist".

Thousands of tourists flock to the Greek island of Santorini every day to take in the beautiful sites by riding donkeys up and down the cobbled steps of the island’s hilly terrain. However, an increase in the number of overweight tourists saddling up and riding the donkeys, in addition to poor working conditions overall for the animals, has lead to a wide range of injuries for the donkeys, including spinal injuries and open wounds, according to the Daily Mail.

The Manitowoc Minute The Wisconsin State Fair Minute.

A new breed of tick has entered the US. No, it's not called the Ex-Tick.

vicious species of tick originating from Eastern Asia has invaded the US and is rapidly sweeping the Eastern Seaboard, state and federal officials warn.

The tick, the Asian longhorned tick (or Haemaphysalis longicornis), has the potential to transmit an assortment of nasty diseases to humans, including an emerging virus that kills up to 30 percent of victims. So far, the tick hasn’t been found carrying any diseases in the US. It currently poses the largest threat to livestock, pets, and wild animals; the ticks can attack en masse and drain young animals of blood so quickly that they die—an execution method called exsanguination.

Meth. M-80. Cop car. Some assembly required for tonight's Genius Award Winner.

A real child is more a man than the typical NFL leftist. Tonight's Feel Good Story of The Day.

Ten-year-old Avery Price proudly rose from his wheelchair, braces on both legs, and struggled to stand for the national anthem at the Putnam County Fair in Cookeville, Tennessee, this past Sunday, as Fox 17’s KOMO News reported.

The boy has a cerebral palsy-like syndrome called hereditary spastic paraplegia (HSP), which makes it hard for him to use his legs.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Not The NFL.

Notice: Posted with permission by Ace Media Empire. Local checks are no longer accepted. No exceptions, no shit.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:28 PM

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