Mixed-to-Sad Reviews for "SOYLO: A Soy Wars Soyry"

Ethan Van Sciver talks about some of the lackluster reviews here.

Now, Ethan Van Sciver has been taking the piss out of Soy Wars, as he calls it, for months. So maybe you can't take his word for it. He's comedically invested in Soylo: A Soy Wars Soyry being a cringefest. It will make for funny videos.

So here's the guy whose word I take for it: Emergency Awesome.

I'm not saying Emergency Awesome is a shill. However, like most nerd culture YouTubers (such as the Nerd Crew), he tends to be skewed towards the positive when talking about these dumb movies and shows.

His verdict -- and bear in mind, his basic mode is to be charitable and more positive about these things than they warrant -- is to call it "Just fine," and, in ranking it with all other Soy Wars properties, including some cartoon and the famously awful Star Wars Holiday Special, he puts it near the bottom of the list, only above The Phantom Menace, that cartoon I never heard of, and the Star Wars Holiday Special.

When the nicest thing you can say is that it's "Just fine" and that the disaster that was feared has been averted, and then the only real Soy Wars movie you'll say it's better than is the widely-reviled The Phantom Menace -- well, that's not the sort of enthusiasm from a nerd-culture YouTuber that I would expect from anything halfway decent.

Nice company, Disney. Would be a shame if anything bad were to 'appen to it.

Oh, and Kathleen Kennedy?

The Force is Female, huh?

Maybe not for too much longer.

Oh, BTW: Soy Wars just got even soyrrier-- Apparently they've now confirmed that Lando Calrissian, who spent most of the Empire Strikes Back macking on Leia and not Han or C3PO or Boba Fett (he was there) or even LOBOT, is "pansexual."

Lando Calrissian, one of Star Wars' most popular characters recently reimagined by actor Donald Glover, is pansexual. Lawrence Kasdan -- the co-writer behind The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens and the upcoming Solo: A Star Wars Story -- told Huffington Post that Lando is "pansexual," meaning that he's "not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity," according to one definition.

"There's a fluidity to Donald and Billy Dee's [portrayal of Lando's] sexuality," Kasdan told the Huffington Post. "I mean, I would have loved to have gotten a more explicitly LGBT character into this movie. I think it’s time, certainly, for that, and I love the fluidity -- sort of the spectrum of sexuality that Donald appeals to and that droids are a part of."

Questions about Lando's sexuality aren’t new, but this is one of the first times someone who worked on Star Wars is addressing the conversation. It's understandable: Solo is full of scenes between Han Solo and Lando that can be deemed flirty.

I wonder if they're attempting the Ghostbusters Gambit: You know, when you know you have a probable loser on your hands, so you contrive to invent a Political Controversy about the movie so you can say all the critics are just #H8rs and that progressives should rush out to support the film because that's kind of like Voting Against Trump With Your Ticket or something.

The Ghostbusters Gambit did not work for Ghosbusters. I mean, the fake Ghostbusters, obviously.

But maybe Kathleen Kennedy really liked that play and wants to see if she can make it work where Amy Pascal failed.

Meanwhile, Disney's putting out the word that Lando will be the next standalone soyry. Van Sciver suggested it will be called Lando Calrissoyan.

This seems to be be pre-spinning the expected fan rejection of Alden Ehrenreich as a weedy version of Han Solo by promising, "Hey, ignore Han Soylo in his own movie. We've got that guy you like coming up in the next one. And he's pansexual, too!!!!"

Disney seems to be following its subsidiary Marvel Comics' down the rabbit hole of making entertainment which have traditionally skewed heavily male in appearance acceptable for a "phantom audience" that just doesn't exist, an audience consisting of women, men who feel shame about Toxic Masculinity, and Buzzfeed editors.

Good luck with that. Looking forward to the point when they recut these movies and add new CGI effects and even more female characters in charge of bullying cuck male characters: The Last Jedi: The Jezebel Blog Edition.

posted by Ace of Spades at 06:46 PM

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