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January 25, 2017

Gawker For Fat Sports Geeks Gets Owned by Ted Cruz, Then Whines That It Didn't Get Owned, Then, Bizarrely, Makes Open Challenge to Critics to Meet it in "UFC Octagon"

So you probably heard about this.

Sports Geek Gawker, aka Deadspin (Sports Coverage For People Who Don't Like Sports, as its video game blog is video game coverage for people who don't like videogames), did a creepy Gawker thing by inviting people to take secret pictures of Ted Cruz playing basketball, in an effort to humiliate him, obviously.

In response, Ted Cruz posted this picture:


That's a picture of Grayson Allen, who looks a bunch like Ted Cruz.

Like, a scary-bunch like him:


So, moderately funny. And not in any way an insult to Gawker for Sports Nerdz, just a good-humored joke.

But of course Gawker for People Who Never Played the Game can't just take a joke (which isn't even at their expense) without spazzing out. That's how you know none of these pansies ever actually played real sports -- rather than just saying something a seasoned competitor would say, like "nice shot" or "I'll let that one count," the whoever was running the Twitter feed of Deadpsin instead replied, insanely:

Go eat shit. @tedcruz

When people began noting that Ted Cruz had owned the woman at Fat Couch Jockey Gawker seeking embarrassing pictures of him, she replied with what is considered world-round conclusive legal proof that she had been owned. To wit, she said:

I wasn't owned.

Case closed.

People then began informing her that she was in fact owned, and owned hard. This was pretty delightful.

Two of the "Yes you got owned, dear" tweets were especially good:


Apparently someone really did re-write Wikipedia to note the update in Deadspin's ownership.

Then came this:


In response all this, Deadspin's editor then challenged any "cucks" who correctly stated that Ted Cruz now had a 100% ownership stake in Deadspin to a fight in the "UFC octagon."

Several people, including this guy from Barstool Sports, say they actually have reached out to this very-imposing geekblog editor to propose a fight in a "UFC octagon," but as of yet, I have not heard of any acceptance of the proposed fight.

His Wikipedia page was subsequently updated as well, to reflect the fact that Ted Cruz now owns and uses Tim Marchman just as thoroughly as Immortan Joe owned and used his seven broodmares.

On January, 24th 2017 Tim threw an epic tantrum because he was owned like a bitch by Senator Ted Cruz. He challenged the internet to an MMA fight because he knew nothing would happen, and he couldn't possibly look worse. Barstool Sports Editor Kmarko also owned Tim. Through 25 days of 2017 he is definitely the biggest loser of the year on the internet or in real life.

And yes, I'd like a picture of ted cruz in Immortan Joe's mask, if you're Man Enough to meet me in the UFC Photoshop Octagon.


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posted by Ace at 04:22 PM

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