Hillary Clinton Secretly Enlisted Feminist Writer Jessica Valenti to Carry Her Water in Branding Bernie Sanders as "Anti-Woman" | Main | Overnight Open Thread (21 Oct 2016)
October 21, 2016

We need Peanut-Butter Control...At Least In Wisconsin [CBD]

Woman mistakes town meeting for Donald Trump rally and smears 30 cars with smooth peanut butter in protest

There too many fantastic quotations in this article, and I can't excerpt it all, but here are a few....

Witnesses claimed the 32-year-old entered the meeting at 9:30pm holding a "family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy natural Jif" peanut butter, shouting about how much she hated the Republican candidate.
The detail is fantastic! Not just peanut butter, but low-sodium, creamy natural Jif!
When officers from Portage Co. Sheriff Department questioned Ms Ferguson, she claimed she hadn't left her apartment that night, while allegedly licking her fingers repeatedly, according to the complaint.
Pro-tip....eat the evidence BEFORE the cops show up.
"Fortunately it wasn't chunky peanut butter, so vehicles didn't get scratched," said Chief Deputy Dan Kontos.
THAT is good police work. He knew the evidence cold.

But what about a photo? Well, the article claims she is 32-years-old. If that is what passes for 32 in Wisconsin, then my most fervent recommendation for all of our Wisconsinites is to get the hell out!

Peanut Butter vandal.jpeg

This should make it better though, and much closer to what I think of when I think of young Wisconsinites (Wisconsonians? Wisconsiners? Cheese-heads?)


digg this
posted by Open Blogger at 07:46 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Yudhishthira's Dice: "People in my home town have died/drowned in grain ..."

Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet presents Last of the Fauxhicans starring Lizzie Warren: ""That's one of the things that annoyed me about "T ..."

What's a Seawolf?: "In my opinion science is slowly grinding to a stas ..."

SH: "You know what's magic - gravitational force. I ..."

JackStraw: "Lizzy, are you around? ..."

Boss Moss: "Drink your rye. ..."

Yudhishthira's Dice: "THAT'S how a cow dies? I can't eat beef any more!! ..."

Insomniac : "470 People in my home town have died/drowned in gr ..."

Boss Moss: "I like some NPCs. Boris Bonesnapper and Harrold Fo ..."

rhennigantx: "428 Is Gosnell a true documentary, or is it one of ..."

Christopher R Taylor: "[i]You know what's magic - gravitational force.[/i ..."

Count de Monet: "Yeah... it has definitely caused some outbreaks, b ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64