Science School with NDT

From that link:

The Galapagos penguin (Spheniscus mendiculus) is a penguin endemic to the Galapagos Islands. It is the only penguin that lives north of the equator in the wild.

Here are some other PENGUIN FACTS.

FACT: Penguins are marsupials.

FACT: Penguins burrow into the ground and await their prey beneath a "trap-door" made from their webbing, disguised with leaves and twigs.

FACT: Penguins are apex predators, lethal killing machines that have not evolved since the Cretaceous Era. The word "Penguin" derives from the Spanish penguinarre, "Foppish Dagger."

FACT: Humanity's myths of dragons and krakens spring from penguin sightings. The word "Penguin" derives from the Italian penniginarro, "Horror from the Depths."

FACT: The only defense against a penguin that has locked in on you with its Predator Vision is to stab yourself in the neck with a pencil and bleed yourself out until you have virtually no pulse. Penguins prefer fresh kills. Their name derives from the Norwegian, pangskjinj, meaning "Finicky Murder-Fowl."

FACT: Penguins are capable of flight, but they prefer to STEAL CARS.

FACT: Penguins have large flock structures with complex and fluid hierarchies in order to facilitate KIDNAPPING and IDENTITY THEFT.

FACT: When you hear your floorboards creak at night those are PENGUINS GOING THROUGH ALL YOUR PERSONAL SHIT. The word "penguin" derives from the South American Indian pa'hannae'gun, meaning PHANTOM THAT DOES HOME INVASIONS.

FACT: An entire lobe of the penguin's brain is devoted to MIND GAMES.

FACT: Penguins are unique in the animal kingdom as they are the only species which breeds exclusively through SODOMY.

FACT: The penguin is the only animal apart from man to kill for sport rather than need.

In FACT, they kill CHIEFLY FOR PLEASURE.

FACT: Murder gives penguins BONERS.

FACT: Penguins subsist on a diet of DRIFTERS and RUNAWAYS.

FACT: Penguins make use of a rudimentary tool to open up clamshells.

FACT: Biologists call this tool a FUCKING GUN.

FACT: Penguins have evolved a rich tapestry of social behaviors which resemble PRISON CULTURE.

FACT: Penguins mark their prey so that the group can stalk it.

FACT: Penguins mark their prey with WOLVESBLOOD. Penguins KILL THE SHIT OUT OF WOLVES.

FACT: Penguins are the only creature capable of DIGESTING YOUR SOUL. They have a special acid in their stomachs which scientists have determined is PURE EVIL.

FACT: Penguins have DICKS MADE OF KNIVES and THEY WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT DANCIN'.

FACT: Stay away from PENGUINS. The word "penguin" is derived from the Aramaic word for "THE DEVIL'S TOUCAN."

Feathers McGraw reminder thanks to @coolestMom_Ever.

Honestly, I didn't realize it, but all these thoughts of Penguins as master criminals just came tumbling into my head. Well, that's because I already saw a penguin master criminal in Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers.

Really good; recommended if you haven't seen it.

Video via @AmeliaHammy.

posted by Ace at 12:31 PM

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