Food Thread: Avocado Liberation Front (CBD)

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Keep your damned thumbs off my avocados.

Many of you have done it. You poke through the huge pile of avocados, desperately looking for one that isn't baseball hard and several days from succulent, luscious, delightful guacamole. And you squeeze and prod and poke, ruining every single one you touch.

You know who you are.

Stop, and all will be forgiven.

Continue, and the wrath of the ALF will come down upon you.

The Five Second Rule has never made any sense to me, because every study I have seen doesn't compare the kitchen floor to the kitchen counter or the dining room table or the dish towel. And really, the only rule I obey is the Dildo Growling Stomach Rule. If I am sufficiently hungry, and the food is sufficiently tempting, what's a little E. coli between friends?

This woman is an idiot. Okay, eat McDonalds for a year and see what happens, and I'll pay a bit of attention. And it is understandable to make every dish in Julia Childs' wonderful cookbook, "Mastering The Art Of French Cooking," as a cooking exercise or an expression of one's midlife crisis, or just to eat well. But to do what this self-important, pompous ass did proves nothing. Starbucks food is not part of the cultural discussion the way McDonalds is. Nobody cares, and your cry for attention is embarrassing. Just go away.

Why can't these people respect the wishes of Gaia and allow these plants to disappear? The same people who vociferously defend natural processes will rush to condemn the actions of man. This makes no logical sense unless one accepts the premise that we are not of nature, and these are not people who believe in creation, so that explanation is out.

The Cookie Dough Oreo (warning: NY Times link) disturbs me greatly. Is this a horrid violation of all that is sacred in cookieland, or am I being silly?

And...a question for the Horde. Butter or lard for biscuits? I made a batch yesterday morning that turned out very well....nice and tall and with a great texture. But I am growing suspicious of the various recipes that claim to be the best. I am becoming convinced that it is technique that makes the biggest difference.

4-5 (depending on size) very overripe bananas
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3/4 cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 cups all-purpose flour
1½ teaspoons baking soda (mix into flour)
1 teaspoon kosher salt (mix into flour)

Preheat oven to 350°

Butter a 9 by 5-inch loaf pan. This can also be used for muffins (bake for about 30 minutes).

With an electric mixer, or even better, a stand mixer fitted with a whisk, whip the bananas and sugar together for a few minutes on the highest speed that won’t splatter banana on your ceiling; the goal is to blend the sugar thoroughly into the bananas and get some loft into the mixture.

Slow the speed to medium-low and add the eggs and vanilla; mix for 30 seconds or so and then slowly (especially if you didn’t have time to allow it to cool) add the butter.

Mix in the dry ingredients at low speed for a few seconds, just until you can’t see any dry flour. Using a spatula, scrape the sides and bottom down and finish mixing by hand.

Pour the batter into the buttered loaf pan. Whack the pan on the counter and then give it a bit of a shake until the batter is level.

Place the pan on a baking sheet to catch any overflow and bake for about 1 hour and 10 minutes. About is the important word here. After about an hour take a quick peek at the loaf. If it looks wet at the top then bake it for a few more minutes. Just make sure not to overcook it. I actually don’t like banana bread very much, but it is positively awful when it’s overcooked and dry.

I make this for the brats, who seem to devour it, especially when it is slightly underdone. They like banana bread more than they like raw bananas, so every time I buy bananas they carefully do not eat the last 4, hoping that I will make this crap. It works. I hate being manipulated by children.

posted by Open Blogger at 04:00 PM

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