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July 28, 2013

Goin' Back to Peruvia

Well, we got 624 comments out of it last night and L,Elle says she missed it so I'll post it again.

Long story short, this is Touré sagely pronouncing George Zimmerman not Hispanic, because, you see, he's Peruvian-American.

Which is not Hispanic.

By the way, let's not let the talking stool specimen Martin Bashir off the hook. He doesn't question it and seems on board with the whole "Peruvia" idea.

As I wrote, this raises the indescribably delicious questions, "Where does Touré believe Peru is located, and what language does he think is spoken there?"

I wish I could see the world through his dumb-stupid eyes. What a wondrously moronic sight that would be.


Hidden high in sparking snow of the Bavarian Alps, this vibrant and diverse country is famed for making goose sausage, torch-skiing at night, and baffling simpletons on MSNBC.

Peruvia, you should know, is not the sort of country you want to visit; their national flag is just a cellphone picture of five drunken Peruvian thugs beating the shit out of a lost and terrified Belgian motorist. Their national motto is "Learn to Read a Map, Pierre."

The mountain Peruvia sits atop is now called "The Peaceful Alp," because they raided the mountain that was originally called "The Peaceful Alp," murdered them all, and stole their sign.

This is the National Anthem of Peruvia.

#Peruvia even became a trending topic on Twitter and Twitchy rounded up some facts about the country.

Oh, hat-tip to Seamus M. on this: My joke was originally about the Peruvian language, and the joke was really strained, but he just cut to the chase and spoke of "Peruvia," which I realized was a much easier thing to joke about, an entire country rather than one (Touré-invented) language.

This is probably a well-beaten horse by now, but if anyone wants to share Cool Facts about Touré's favorite fictitious country, here ya go. And remember, as they say in Peruvia: "Better to live in Peruvia than to murder in Belgium, but, honestly, I could go either way."

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posted by Ace at 07:40 PM

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