Representative Steve Cohen Not the Father of His Alleged Illegitimate Daugher

Do you remember the confusing story here? Cohen was observed sending text messages like "ILU" (I love you) to a much younger woman, young enough to be his daughter.

But then it was revealed that the woman was his daughter, an illegitimate one he'd had back in, I don't know, the 70s, but only found about about recently. And since he'd found out, he'd been acting as a father towards her, secretly.

Okay. So there was all that.

Now, it turns out, she's not his daughter.

The woman whom Rep. Steve Cohen has been claiming is his out-of-wedlock daughter is not, according to a paternity test revealed on Thursday.

CNN had a paternity test done on Victoria Brink with Cohen’s participation, although the Tennessee Democrat did not appear on camera. The test found no chance he was the 24-year-old’s father.

In a statement, Cohen said he was “stunned” at the result.

“I was stunned and dismayed at the results. I still love Victoria, hold dear the time I have shared with her and hope to continue to be part of her life,” he said.

Okay so what does this mean? Either Cohen was wrong and has been fathering a girl who isn't his, or... he was lying, and for some reason thought that it was better to say "she's my illegitimate daughter" than "she's my new young girlfriend."

Meanwhile, the daughter actually had a dad and everything. And the test found that the man who raised her as if he were her father... was in fact her father.

So for some bizarre reason the mother and daughter apparently thought the father (an oilman) wasn't the father, and that a man who wasn't the father was the father.

I don't mean to upset you, but, believe it or not,
this man's sex life is far more interesting than yours.

The actual father was stunned to find out his wife had cuckolded him, and now is equally stunned to find out she didn't cuckold him, she just had an affair and believed she cuckolded him.

And as a further weird implication to all this: Having now established some kind of mistaken emotional bond with each other, incorrectly believing themselves to be father and daughter, they are now officially... free to date.

Any bets?

So, this will all soon be a European comedy film, most likely Italian, which I absolutely will never see in my life, because it's creepy.

posted by Ace at 05:27 PM

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