Happy Sequestration Day | Main | Arlene Mae Breitbart, RIP; Remembering a Warrior
March 01, 2013

Truth to Power: in War Between Woodward and Government of the United States, The Onion Bravely... Goes After Woodward

Without bothering to link the article, their headline is:

Anonymous Source Informs Bob Woodward He Hasn't Been Relevant In 40 Years

I can think of someone else of declining relevance.

Anyone remember the last time you got sent an Onion article or video?

The last time you saw them linked on a blog?

Been a little while, eh?

I don't keep up with such things but a while ago someone commented on their decline, telling me it was his belief that a lot of the funnier writers chose not to move to Chicago, preferring to stay in New York, back when they moved offices to reduce costs.

It's been a long time since they were funny. The Onion's not even on my radar anymore. You know what part of the Onion I read? The AV Club. To see what I missed on a TV show.

That said, they annoyed me, so I wrote these.

Top Ten Headlines Rejected By The Onion

10. The Onion's Management Reports "Modest Success" with New Non-Humor Format

9. Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans

8. The Onion Losing Top Writers to Poaching By Reddit, Etsy, and the United States Postal Service

7. Producer Admits That Shelved Idea of an "Onion TV Show" Now Seems "Pretty Fucking Stupid, When You Think About It"

6. The Onion Staff Said To Handle Declining Career Prospects with Grace, Prescription Back Medication

5. Local Editor at The Onion Really Thinking About Getting His Real Estate License "or Just Taking to the Rails to Really See America"

4. Embarrassed Onion Writer Explains to Friend "All My Really Good Stuff Goes Into My Novel & Pinterest Account"

3. The Onion Publishing Imprint Proudly Announces Coming Book, "The Idiot's Guide to Total Creative Exhaustion"

2. Bitter Onion Writer Overheard Muttering Darkly About Being "Led Astray" by Alcohol, Clown College

...and the Number One Headline Rejected by the Onion...

1. Local Man Informed He Will Die of AIDS Unless He Reads the Last Three Years of The Onion Cover-to-Cover

UPDATE: Local Man Dies of AIDS

digg this
posted by Ace at 10:45 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Michael Bolton: "81 Million "votes." ..."

Romeo13: "419 Is Sharkman a horrible hypocrite for not compl ..."

RedMindBlueState[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "*manspreads* ..."

Josh Brolin's Blistered Taint: "Siouxsie's Kiss Them For Me is the most underrated ..."

RedMindBlueState[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "St! ..."

Soothsayer -- : " NNnnooooddd ..."

SH (Overturn Roe): "Even as the youngest member, he did the memorable ..."

steevy: "Primus doing Closer to the Heart https://youtu. ..."

Joe XiDen - Delta Delta Delta Can I help ya help ya help ya Variant: "423 Fuck The Beatles. That is all. Posted by ..."

Doof: "[i]Fables of the Reconstruction, REM (and yes, ..."

old chick: "Geddy Lee vocals sound like a dentist drill. Post ..."

Bitter Clinger: "[i] I also really don't remember soccer players dr ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64