Truth to Power: in War Between Woodward and Government of the United States, The Onion Bravely... Goes After Woodward

Without bothering to link the article, their headline is:

Anonymous Source Informs Bob Woodward He Hasn't Been Relevant In 40 Years

I can think of someone else of declining relevance.

Anyone remember the last time you got sent an Onion article or video?

The last time you saw them linked on a blog?

Been a little while, eh?

I don't keep up with such things but a while ago someone commented on their decline, telling me it was his belief that a lot of the funnier writers chose not to move to Chicago, preferring to stay in New York, back when they moved offices to reduce costs.

It's been a long time since they were funny. The Onion's not even on my radar anymore. You know what part of the Onion I read? The AV Club. To see what I missed on a TV show.

That said, they annoyed me, so I wrote these.

Top Ten Headlines Rejected By The Onion

10. The Onion's Management Reports "Modest Success" with New Non-Humor Format

9. Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans

8. The Onion Losing Top Writers to Poaching By Reddit, Etsy, and the United States Postal Service

7. Producer Admits That Shelved Idea of an "Onion TV Show" Now Seems "Pretty Fucking Stupid, When You Think About It"

6. The Onion Staff Said To Handle Declining Career Prospects with Grace, Prescription Back Medication

5. Local Editor at The Onion Really Thinking About Getting His Real Estate License "or Just Taking to the Rails to Really See America"

4. Embarrassed Onion Writer Explains to Friend "All My Really Good Stuff Goes Into My Novel & Pinterest Account"

3. The Onion Publishing Imprint Proudly Announces Coming Book, "The Idiot's Guide to Total Creative Exhaustion"

2. Bitter Onion Writer Overheard Muttering Darkly About Being "Led Astray" by Alcohol, Clown College

...and the Number One Headline Rejected by the Onion...

1. Local Man Informed He Will Die of AIDS Unless He Reads the Last Three Years of The Onion Cover-to-Cover

UPDATE: Local Man Dies of AIDS

posted by Ace at 10:45 AM

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