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September 06, 2012

ABC's Rick Klein on Clinton Speech: "this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one."

I goofed on this purple prose -- or rather blue-model blather-- on Twitchy, using Snoopy's "It was a dark and stormy night" novel as a guide.

It was a dark and stormy night. Bill Clinton took the podium. The hall became an organism, breathing, sensing, knowing as one.

A shot rang out. The maid screamed. The undifferentiated protoplasm of the DNC extended one tentative pseudopod out to the world.

RAF Major @rickklein observed the shimmering, quavering jelly of the DNC with one eyebrow arched. "By Jove, this thing pulses with life!"

Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, a dreamy-eyed scut-girl sensed a new life aborning across the salty ocean.

The scut-girl, a bonny lass named Agmar Akennokker, wistfully thought of her absent husband, a strapping young gimp by the name of Knarl.

Meanwhile, RAF Major @rickklein alerted the National Center For Detection & Study of Living, Breathing Organisms, One.

A horse whinnied. A meteor shined. Various parts from the end of "Knights in White Satin" occurred around now.

The crowd thrilled. Then each member of it began extending polyps of nervous tissue into each other's brains, becoming one with The Speech.

Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, Agmar thought wistfully of her handsome, gog-eyed pinhead Knarl.

She thought of how she could stare into his confident, reassuring wall-eye forever.

The viscous strands of NuFlesh that now connected each delegate to one another began to undulate and thrum. A mighty Gloppening was at hand.

Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! Agmar hoped her handsome husband, the ruggedly mutated Knarl, was safe at the helm

The convention became a hot mass of pulsating hyperfecundity, sprouting a torrent of neoplasms in a riot of shapes and dimensionalities.

Agmar cast her gaze to the ship's deck– beautiful Knarl, with one arm so strong and hale, the other shaped like a bowling pin, was absent.

Bill Clinton stood at the podium, proud. Unbowed. Defiant. Squamous.

I think what annoyed me the most about this foray into Junior Poet Appreciation Society excess was that Andrew Sullivan trotted out a very similar bit of doggerel to gush over Obama.

And More Over-the-Top Gushing: They're not reporters, they're smitten teenagers.

digg this
posted by Ace at 01:26 PM

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