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September 04, 2012

Too Much. Back It Off A Little. Sheesh.

Cryptic death scene. Very mysterious.

COPS probing the deaths of a couple pulled from a river found a purple sex toy, duct tape, a computer hard drive and cable ties on their hired boat, it emerged yesterday.

Officers also retrieved a blood-stained sheet stuffed into a carrier bag, a laptop, screws, brackets, lengths of cable and two tubes of lubricant gel.

Her body was dumped post-strangulation. He drowned. The speculation is that he committed suicide.

Sigh.

People; when did things start to spiral out of control, with the nookie? When did we become so difficult to please?

Whatever they were up to: it was too much. Too complicated. There's just too much construction-type activity going on here. And also, death. Whatever happened to just doin' it on a boat?

This list makes it sound like they were trying to build some sort of Rube Goldberg sex machine. Let that be a lesson to you filthy animals.

Also Sun reporter, why do I need to know the color of the sex toy? Really? Is this the important detail here?

A Book of Verses underneath the Bough,
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread--and Thou

Perhaps some electrified clips and clamps,
It's so lovely when you up the amps

We need some more tubing over here;
ouch- duct tape's ripping hair, my dear

Gimme that- no, the shelf-bracket thingie
I want to see what it does to your dinghy

Be careful out there, Morons.

Thanks to tmi3rd.


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posted by LauraW. at 09:47 AM

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