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August 24, 2012

I Deeply & Sincrely Apologize

I am being informed by two or three Mensa Chapter Presidents that I am causing the disastrous 20 point decline in Todd Akin's polling (from 10 points ahead to eleven points behind).

I previously caused a similar cratering of Republican support in the case of Christine O'Donnell. When she became the nominee, the Democrat went from ten points down to ten points ahead.

I don't know why I do these things. I see a parade of strong, articulate, attractive candidates, who are will almost inevitably win on their strong moral compasses, and then I tear them down via this blog.

In each case, I take someone who will almost certainly win, "if we all just have enough faith," and turn them into a loser.

What I really must apologize for, still further, is the fact that this blog has such a powerful sway on the body politic, and yet, rather than devoting this well-nigh preeminent level of political power to helping surefire winner candidates like Christine O'Donnell and Todd Akin, I instead warn other Republicans that they're going to lose, and this process of warning -- this process of prognostication -- thereby causes the actual loss.

And what doesn't cause the loss is, say, the actual failings and weaknesses of the candidates in question, about which I am warning.

That is to say, these losses are not caused by people behaving like teenagers who think that machismo and status ride on doing stupid, reckless things, but rather are due to the adults who say things like "You shouldn't dive from a pier without guaranteeing by close personal inspection that the water is deep enough to prevent a crippling injury."

While I dress such warnings up to sound "adult," in fact these are the womanly caterwaulings of a RINO and likely homosexual. It is, in fact, those with the juvenile sense of Let's Do Something Dumb who are the true adults in the room.

Although I have chastised myself repeatedly for this nasty habit of being right in my predictions (or, I should say, more properly: Of my predictions causing the very catastrophes I warn against), I find I am incapable of stopping myself, and yet cling to this faggy notion that diving from a pier is probably a bad idea.

I'm sorry. I serve the party and the cause so poorly, and not Manfully and With Great Principle like so many others.

In this failing I join noted RINOs and suspected homosexuals Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin, and Ann Coulter. I am ashamed to note I will be joining them later for a party with the themes of Cross Dressing, ABBA, and Amyl Nitrite.

I must continue to fail you,

Ace


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posted by Ace at 06:30 PM

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