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April 19, 2012

Holy Shit I Am Watching A Movie Nearly Ejaculatory In Its Awfulness

Oh man, this is bad.

Why did I rent it? I figured, give it a chance. Worse comes to worse, I can always get a review out of it.

Bobcat Goldthwait is a liberal dick, but I heard him on Carolla, and he mentioned this movie, God Bless America, which the liberal critics are praising because it's about a Character -- wait, it's not a character; it's a zero-dimensional Mary Sue for Bobcat Goldthwait and his unwarranted feelings of superiority over other people -- who executes reality tv stars and, naturally, FoxNews personalities. (One is plainly Bill O'Reilly, the other Glen Beck.)

I gave it a chance not because I was so rah-rah to see Bill O'Reilly die, but because I can appreciate a good, dark, halfway evil black comedy. Assuming it's funny or well done.

This isn't. This is the most amateurish pile of nothing crap I've seen in a long time.

It's on Amazon now, in "Pre-Theatrical Release," which sounds overly optimistic: There will not be a theatrical release, at least outside three or four stunt theaters. It's egregious in all ways, and so far he's only killed a Sweet 16 Reality TV show star. It's just horribly written, with the main character giving Bitter Liberal Diatribes, and awful jokes. The "Teenage Girl" character is written like, well, like every other character is written -- like Bobcat Goldthwait doing bad standup. She curses an improbable amount, saying things like "This really tears my cock off."

Pretty funny, right? Hahaha, a little girl, played by a 23 year old, is cursing like an old fat guy.

No? You think it's just too contrived? Oh well, get ready for an hour an ten minutes of it.

I thought the film was bad in other respects until I saw this "Teenage Girl" character. This doesn't seem like a Teenage Girl; doesn't really even seem human.

Bobcat, have you talked to human beings? Did you ever notice the way they talk? Yeah, try writing them to sound like that.

Anyway, this isn't really a review, but I had to get this out there. This is awful.

Don't go the way I did.

Let me serve as a warning.

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posted by Ace at 11:20 PM

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