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April 04, 2012

The Woman Who Said "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful" Pens a Sequel:
See, You Hate Me, This Proves I'm Beautiful, Like I Said The First Time

Bumped. I posted this late last night. Seems kind of funny.

Is this a multipart punking with characters and plot arcs?

Is the Daily Mail just posting patently absurd articles for web-traffic?

I think so. Mostly.

Now if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's a new internet sensation, and her name is Samantha Brick. She wrote an article Monday in the Daily Mail proclaiming that people treat her differently because she's so beautiful-- men buy her champagne, and women snipe at her due to feelings of intense jealousy.

Because she's so beautiful.

Right? Okay, so... Ancient Troy just called, and they're eager to negotiate a peace. Know what I mean?

But she's got this article saying that it isn't easy being beautiful.

This article explains that writers like pitching goofball, Are-you-shitting-me? articles to the Daily Mail because they pay well.

So what we probably have here is that Samantha Brick decided, "Hey, wouldn't it be sort of insane if I started claiming I was super-hot? I bet the Daily Mail would pay me for such a thing."

But I don't know that.

Because now she's doubling down on her ethereal beauty (and by "ethereal," I mean "Chiefly residing on the Ethereal Plane").

Now she's saying, "See what I mean? I told you my beauty is provocative."

Roll your tongues back up, boys.
She's married.

But is she serious?

I don't know.

And it bothers me that I don't know.

Yesterday, I wrote an article in the Mail, posing the question: Why do women hate me for being beautiful? The response it provoked has been extraordinary in its volume and vitriol, and beyond anything I could have imagined when I first started work at my keyboard.

Of course, I knew when I came up with the idea that it would provoke debate. I'd even prefaced the idea by explaining to the editor that I was fully aware I was setting myself up for a fall. I knew this was sensitive territory at which women would take umbrage — but I thought it was a taboo that needed shattering.


While I've been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proved my point. Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.

Come on. As the British say -- Get off, you.

And yet women had reacted to my good looks in a very different way. Their hostility had stood in my way at work and even friends had dropped me, fearing their husbands fancied me.

Without doubt, this is a gender issue. For not only is it mostly women who are attacking me, it is also because I am female that I am being attacked for acknowledging my attractiveness.

Come on, admit you are punking me.

If Brad Pitt were to say: 'Yes, I'm a good-looking fella,' then the world would nod sagely in agreement. But if Angelina Jolie uttered something along those lines, she'd be subject to the same foaming-at-the-mouth onslaught hurled at me yesterday.

The same onslaught...? No, not quite the same, I don't think.

Take the latest message I've just received, which is pretty mild — but the intention is still to wound: 'I am sorry to be the one to burst your arrogant and conceited bubble but I don't find you attractive at all. You look a fool.'

Or how about this one, who used her office email and signs herself as an admin executive: 'You look a ridiculous fool, you make me ill'.

I am at a loss as to understand what goes through someone's mind before they press the 'send' button on a message like that.

I don't know. Spelling seemed okay in those.

I think we're wondering what sort of a lunatic, or demented comedic Kaufmanesque genius, concocted this absurd article in the first place.


I have lived and worked in Los Angeles and I doubt that such a reaction to my piece would have happened there. For in the U.S. you're expected to look good and you're rightly applauded for it.

Oh yeah. Maybe in England she's a fading 5, but in LA? 9.


Is it any wonder Victoria Beckham has decided to stay put in LA, rather than move back to Hertfordshire?

See? Is this real? I mean, come on.

This couldn't possibly be real.

Could it?

You know what I think?

I think the Daily Mail has figured out that no one believes kooky stories on April Fools Day.

So what's the point? Why bother? Who are ya foolin'?

Nobody, that's who.

But what about April 2nd-4th?

Ah. Now there's something.

Update: Samantha Brick has released skimpy bikini pictures to the Daily Mail to supposedly prove how hot she is.

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