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January 31, 2012

Meet The Candidates!

Current State Of The National Race:

'All Dead Inside Now' still commands an insurmountable advantage over all.
Obama edges both Mitt and Gingrich; Mitt gaining more ground over Gingrich.

Despair not. A new candidate has thrown his enormous bulk into the field. A Mr. SMOD. Campaign announcement materials received by AOSHQ are below the fold.

SluShop courtesy of Slublog Industries, Inc.

"Howdy! I am an enormous chunk of rock hurtling through space for now, but hoping for a chance to profoundly change the world for the better. I want to stop the partisan sniping and bickering of rivals that characterizes the political process. And I want you to never have to vote for the lesser of two evils ever again.

My platform: Death. To expunge. The annihilation of all life on Earth. Some say I am naive and doomed to failure, since bacteria, certain ocean creatures, and some insects will surely survive my planet-wracking onslaught. I concede that my critics may technically have a point.

But the truth is, I've always been a 'half-a-loaf-of-bread-is-better-than-none' kind of guy."

SMOD: An End To Politics As Usual. Forever.

This Candidate Has Been Endorsed By The Sierra Club™

Oh, my. My, my. Hm. I like how he said, "Howdy."

That connects powerfully to a) the Heartland demographic who b) wants the world to end suddenly in violent chaos as soon as possible.
Shrewd. Very well played.

Looks like All Dead Inside seems to have some competition now, eh Morons!
Oh, this is going to be a lively race indeed. We will be sure to keep you updated as to Mr. SMOD's progress. We're going to be guessing his trajectory and selling squares for placing bets on the impact location at the Amazon store.

The top prize will be that you were right about something just before death. That will be a very nifty moment for you.

On to our regularly scheduled Meet The Candidates Revival Post.

In 2010, we ran an occasional showcase for Moron-approved House and Senate candidates and hey why not, let's do it again.

In the comments below, please name the candidates running for national office that you like, preferably from your state, but not necessarily, if they're really that exciting to you.

I will compile a list of your recommendations and try to showcase one or two of them on a weekly or biweekly basis. If you could include a little url or two in there to help me out research-wise that would be great, because there are going to be a lot of these and it's already a pretty time-consuming project.

If you're too embarrassed to publicly admit who you are supporting, you may email me directly at laura w tips AT hot mail DOOT COOM.

SluShop and Post-inspiration courtesy of Slublog Industries, Inc.

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posted by Laura. at 10:12 AM

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