On Giving Thanks For A Splendid Primary Season

Ah, the primary season of 2011-12 -- or, as I call it, "Satan's Asshole."

Justin reminds us what we have to be grateful for. So much.

I just have so much to be thankful for this primary season.

I'm really glad we managed to dodge the disgusting establishment RINO Pawlenty bullet. I mean, really, a guy with the balls to go to Iowa and say he's ending ethanol subsidies? Who would want that RINO as President? I'm so thankful to Michelle Bachmann and the True Conservative cohort for killing that candidacy. And a special thanks to Sarah Palin and her I'm-gonna-run-for-president-no-i-won't-yes-I-will-cocktease. I think it's wonderful that she decided to fuck up the Republican primary in order to sell more books, and that in no way proves everything the Democrats said about her. And I can't forget Pawlenty himself, for throwing in the towel in record time.

I'd also like to thank Rick Perry, who was actually one of the most conservative candidates. Thank you, Rick, for having the nomination handed to you on a silver platter and then eating said platter because you're a fucking moron. And, once again, thanks again to Romney's BFF, Michelle Bachmann, and the True Conservative cohort. Why would we want a candidate who is weak on immigration when we could have a candidate who is weak on absolutely everything? I know, crazy right?

Finally, I'd like to thank all of the other, decent candidates who decided not to run this year because they have a better shot in 2016. Really, how much damage could another 4 years of Obama (and 30 years of complete liberal control of the Supreme Court) cause? What's really important in all of this is your personal ambition, not the fate of the country. Thank you for keeping that in mind.

Now we've got a race between Romney and Gingrich, two sure winners. Obama is as weak as an incumbent can be, and I have full faith in the ability of the GOP to take him down.

Oh, and I can't actually bring myself to thank all the twits who say that they'll never vote for Romney, even in the general. I want to give you all a special go to hell from the depths of my soul. You're worse than a Democrat. At least the Democrat voter naively believes that another Obama term is in the country's best interest. You know damn well what 4 more years of Obama mean and you'll let it happen our of petulance and pride. Yes, I'm sure we'll get the second coming of Reagan in 2016 to make up for it. That worked so well in 2008, didn't it? Idiots.

He forgot to mention 9 9 9.

posted by Ace at 12:41 PM

| Access Comments