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December 20, 2011

Slate Writer Really Needs You To Know He's A Ninny

Over at amateur webzine Slate, a writer frets about "ultrarealistic" Nerf dart guns, and what impact these "ultrarealistic" toys might have on an impressionable young mind.

I mean, could such "ultrarealistic" firearm simulacra encourage a child to commit murder?

nerf-barricade.jpg
Pictured: An "ultrarealistic" Nerf assault weapon replica

I know what you're sayin'. You're sayin', "Ace, you confounded bonehead! You accidentally posted a picture of a Hecker & Koch MP5 when you meant to post a picture of a Nerf toy that shoots foam darts!"

But no, your eyes deceive you -- the brightly-colored daffodil-yellow low-impact-plastic object above is actually not a genuine automatic weapon at all, but rather an "ultrarealistic" Nerf version of same!!!

You have been bewildered by a stunningly-accurate copy.

Look carefully, my friends: Those are not Smith & Wesson .40 FMJ rounds beside the weapon. Those are actually carefully-disguised pink foam slugs which could nearly bruise a marshmallow.

And notice the cheap, painted-on silver flair, which are intended to look like widgets and doodads on a space laser, which of course are factory-standard on all genuine MP-5s.

Now, even though you were primed to look out for close simulations of a carbine, you actually were misled into thinking this virtual duplicate was actually a Machine of Death.

What hope would a policeman on a dark night have to tell the genuine article from its crafty counterfeit?

Now: What if a child were armed with this mirror-image War Toy, and were further dressed in the ultrarealistic criminal costumes available due to today's technology?

Hardened-Criminal-Child-Costume.jpg

Ah. You finally begin to understand the scope of the problem. Children could be killed, and/or play with a Nerf gun.

Anyway, Bryan Preston is duly alarmed, as well he should be.

Thanks to @stickeenotes and @vermontaigne


slate magazine

For when you're done with all the interesting stuff on the internet.



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posted by Ace at 06:20 PM

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