A Candidate To Finally Unite the Party? T. Coddington Van Vorhees VII Announces Bid For Presidency

Why not?

To be certain, this is not a decision I have undertaken lightly; it comes only as the result of months of careful self-deliberation and dockside focus groups with the finest minds of contemporary conservative campaign strategy. Notwithstanding the surprising electoral vulnerability of Mr. Obama, our analyses have made abundantly clear that the current field of Republican challengers posess neither the intellectual acuity nor the deft touch for the common man needed to lead America into an inspiring new era of moderate bipartisan compromise. In the days ahead I will have much more to say about their shortcomings; but for now let me assure those millions of commonsense Republican voters who have yearned for a candidate who shares their values for stability, flexibility, and pedigree: rejoice, for your standard-bearer has arrived.

Thanks to twiceblessedmom.

posted by Ace at 07:25 PM

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