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September 13, 2011

My Response to "The Climate Reality Project"

Today begins the 72-hour observance of the Climate Reality Project's "24 hours of reality" info-event on the so-called "climate crisis" on Facebook and Twitter. I know, I know. Why call it "24 hours of reality" when you're going to spend 72 hours doing it? Because SHUT UP YOU DENIALIST NAZI SYMPATHIZER!

I'm not on Twitter, but let me share what I've communicated to my friends on Facebook:

If ANYONE allows that fat bastard access to their Facebook account in order to spam me with their "THE SKY IS FALLING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, WINGNUTZ" crap; not only will I de-friend you and refuse to speak to your dumb ass strictly out of principle, I solemnly vow that I will mail a LIVE OPOSSUM to your house in a big box full of styrofoam peanuts.


Please don't test me. I'm serious here. Much like me, live opossums don't care about fake science. They're more interested in breaking stuff and having panicked bowel movements on the top shelf of your china hutch*. Now dead opossums? All they're worried about is "Why couldn't I make it across that road?" I figure that since I've got less than 200 friends on The Book, it would only take me 2 years to make good on my threat if EVERYONE spams me with Gore's crap (catching & mailing 2 opossums a week isn't unreasonable, if I get serious with the live trapping).

And family? Not exempt from this rule. I've got a LOT of extended family, so one or two of you won't be missed. (Plus, my father isn't on the internet yet, so I'm pretty safe making that threat).

*Despite the inference, I do NOT want to take a dump in your china hutch. First, that's just wrong. Second, have you ever squatted halfway up a ladder with your pants around your ankles? Not an easy task. No, I'll just let my opossum minions do all my dirty work for me. And trust me, they relish that sort of thing.

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posted by Russ from Winterset at 09:45 AM

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