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June 21, 2011

Fairleigh Dickenson Professor Has Awesome New Idea For Direct-To-Video National Lampoon College-Sex Movie With Cameo By Paris Hilton; Makes One Mistake In His Pitch

That mistake? He tried to prove his premise was plausible by implementing it in real life.

A Fairleigh Dickinson University physics professor is in custody for allegedly running a prostitution website involving about 200 women and more than 1,200 johns, police said Monday.


He claims he's not a hero,
but they all say that.

So he's a physics professor. We can work with that. I envision some zany shenanigans in the particle accelerator lab. Like Night Shift, but with beakers and ions, whatever ions are.

There's so much here.

Schipper declined to comment on Flory’s current job status at the university.

Job status? Golden.

Fairleigh Dickenson can use a man like Joel.

Now, bear in mind he's a physics professor, so he has an orderly sort of mind, and likes categorizing things and, frankly, overthinking them.

Users were split into three categories, and first-time visitors had to first gain the trust of Flory before gaining any access. Ordinarily this was done, Roseman said, by “sleeping with a prostitute.” The prostitute would then report to Flory what sexual acts the two had engaged in, as well as how much money was exchanged.

After that process, users were designated as “Verified,” gaining access to a wider circle of women to choose from, Roseman said. If users became more frequent customers, their status was increased to “Trusted,” which gave them access to more women and more portions of the website, including message boards explaining how to avoid the police, Roseman said.

..

The site also included message boards where users could rate the prostitutes with stars, including specific sexual acts, Roseman said.

One imagines, here, a series of "funny" codewords and slang for sex taken from physics, like "I want a Large Hadron Collider" or "She's what I call 'low force of friction,' if you know what I mean" or "Nice muons!!!

It's writing itself. The script has become self-aware.

Best part?

Roseman said Flory told police he did not make money off of the website and instead saw it as a hobby, “a safe place for guys to find female prostitutes.”

Great little direct-to-video movie. Needs a title, though.

Thanks to cthulhu, via Instapundit.



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posted by Ace at 04:38 PM

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