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May 23, 2011

A Mahdi Fine Time: World Will End June 5th, Not May 21st, You Dummies

Damnit, that's before Captain America and Fright Night come out.

Ahmadinejad's "team" has done the calculations, and the 12th Imam drops, as the kids say, June 5.

Based on a report from Iran’s Ayandeh, one of the officials within “The Deviant Movement” has informed his confidants that certain sources close to the “Mahdi’s Emergence Movement” have stated that an important event will soon change the course of operations to Ahmadinejad’s favor. According to interpretations offered by Ahmadinejad’s team, a high-ranking member of the Islamic Republic will meet with a climactic incident. This in turn will build up to the announcement of the “covert emergence” of the Twelfth Imam (or Mahdi) in Medina, Saudi Arabia.

Hardliners critical of Ahmadinejad maintain that his team believes a covert emergence will commence on the 14th of Khordaad (June 5) in Medina, setting the stage for the announcement of the actual emergence in the next few years.

Now, here is the thing that makes this really cool. As you know, Ahmadinejad and his fellow maniacs have been accused by less-florid maniacs of sorcery. Conjuring genies. Yes, this is Iranian politics.

"I am not a sorcerer... or am I, bitch?!"

The emergence of the Mahdi, who by the way is an imaginary being like Frosty the Snowman, is of great consequence to Iran's politics, because... oh, man, is this great.

The Deviant Movement states that: “At the time of the covert emergence, his regent (i.e., the supreme leader) will be deposed from his position.”

You see, now that the Mahdi (who, like Scooby-Doo, is not real) is back in da house, that means Ahmadinejad no longer has to listen to supreme leader Khameini, and in fact may depose him.

Read it. Good stuff.

In Iran, an imaginary being with 40 hit dice and a +6 mace of disruption is about to appear in the nation's all-government LARP, and see, they think this is real.

The maniacs we want to win are slightly less crazy than the maniacs we want to lose because the maniacs we want to win are at least not so maniacal to be trying to roll natural 20's on their coup d'etats melee rolls.

But What If He's Real? Chuckit asks a question, that I first thought was a joke:

"How do you know he's not real?"

Ah-ha. Now I get it. What if Ahmadinejad has a cleric picked out, who looks the part, and is in league with him, who will declare himself, and be certified as such, as the 12th Imam?

Hm. Good question! I was thinking something like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, but what if he's just a dude elevated to the exalted position of Supreme Warlock Assassin?

Well... either way, it will be trouble. Trouble, hopefully, just in Iran, but who knows what happens when maniacs rally around a supposed deity.

Below, a dramatic pre-enactment of the coming turmoil in Iran.

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posted by Ace at 04:29 PM

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