Oh My: Lame Duck Session May Feature Plan To Seize Citizens' 401K Accounts To Give Them To Unions? | Main | For Congress: Sam Caligiuri, CT-5
October 13, 2010

Will Folks, The Sexiest Man Alive, Really Wants You To Believe He's Had Sex With a Lady

From I Bleed Crimson Red, a story so erotic , so controversial it's been suppressed by the government.

Until now.

To prove his "inappropriate physical relationship," he's finally releasing the gold-standard proof of an affair: An affidavit that he typed up and then sent to the media.

TO: [redacted] FROM: Will Folks, Carolina Cassanova; Expert Cocksman; Triple Degree Black Belt in Nine Styles of Erotic Martial Arts; Blogger RE: I Tapped That

Dear [redacted],

Rumors continue to swirl about whether I tapped that. I do not know where these rumors of tapping spring from. (By the way, did you hear? I tapped that.)

Per our last discussion re: my having tapped that, please find enclosed one (1) affidavit affirming the substance of my previous statement, to wit, I tapped that.

Please let this serve as a memorization of our discussion. I will not wallow further in these rumors that I am starting, except to say, I tapped that. I tapped that well.

I tapped that,

Will Folks

PLEASE TREAT THIS COMMUNICATION AS PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

BUT ALSO, TELL A FRIEND!

Among the revelations: They made out and stuff, always in parked cars (because that's what adults do, you know), conveniently never in a hotel where there at least might be a receipt.

In addition, Nikki Haley was very, very upset when Will Folks called it off. Yes, he called it off. Because he began tapping some other ass. And Nikki Haley asked him if she could please tell a third party, because she was so upset to lose him (and the the tapping), and really needed to talk about it with someone.

Now Folks may continue have no evidence that this happened, but then, Nikki Haley has no evidence it didn't happen.

Well, some evidence. She has this:





BTW: His story now makes less sense than it ever did.

His motivation for releasing this silly story, he claimed, was that he had to be honest due to his girlfriend, or whatever, wife I guess, and it he was telling this tale not because he's a cad but rather to appease her. It was really important to her, he alleged, that he set the record straight.

But now in this iteration he discloses that he broke it off (whatever "it" was; it now seems to be some making out) when he started dating his girlfriend, now wife (I guess).

Does this make any sense? Why would any woman feel threatened by and jealous of a woman her boyfriend had made out with previously but threw over to be exclusive and loyal to her?

You get jealous of people you're significant other is selecting over you. Not people they discard to be with you.

You've won that fight. Whence the jealousy?

digg this
posted by Ace at 12:57 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo!: "Another good one for the Food Thread. Anyone famil ..."

Sandra F.: "[i]That means they're really being hard if Jimmy c ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "Are we now lactophilia intolerant? Posted by: buz ..."

Lost Shaker Assault: "I've been a chef, cook, and restaurant manager 35 ..."

Donna&&&&V sez: Sorry Tribe fans. Go Astros!: "Not entirely OT, here is a vid of some sane - and ..."

Cosmic Charlie: "Tina Weymouth was extraordinary ..."

buzzsaw90: "One word: lactophilia. And celebrity chefs. Pu ..."

filbert: "[i]"Diversity" by itself is valueless. A bucket of ..."

Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo!: "508 Let's face it, diversity is weakness, straight ..."

colfax mingo: "Eromero, Not a poet, but not a bullshitter eith ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "It starts with lactophilia, then, the pudding. ..."

publius, the Persistent Poperin Pear: " Another good one for the Food Thread. Anyone fa ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64