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August 12, 2010

Democrats Win Democratic Primary In CO; Party Officials Hail "Breakthrough"

Dear Lord. They are desperate for good news, aren't they?

A Democrat wins a Democratic primary, and they're walking on air.

This is courtesy of Mickey Kaus, bringing the snark (and making this exact joke -- it's his).

Check the LAT's headline:

Democrats hail election results as breakthrough

A key primary win in Colorado and victories by 'tea party'-backed GOP candidates amount to 'nothing but good news' for the party, the White House says.

Wow! A key primary win won by a Democrat in a Democratic primary... I bet mostly Democrats turned out to vote in the Democrat primary, too!

The White House and national Democrats were quick to celebrate Wednesday what they saw as a breakthrough in an otherwise bleak political year, with President Obama's preferred candidate winning a key primary test in Colorado and Republican voters choosing "tea party"-backed insurgents over the GOP's recruited candidates.

"Last night's elections were nothing but good news for the Democratic Party," White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said.

Incidentally, the candidate backed by Bill Clinton and other prominent Democrats lost, so how this is a victory for Democrats, rather than the leftist wing of the party and Organizing for America, escapes me. I trust that Bill Clinton wasn't backing a fringe or bizarre candidate.

But they'll take their victories where they can find them, I guess.

Top Ten Other "Breakthroughs" In Democratic Primary Victory

10. Sarah Palin didn't endorse the winner, thus proving her irrelevancy

9. Democratic primary winner was favored by just slightly more than 50% of primary voters

8. Exit polls indicate primary was heavily voted in by "explosively growing demographic groups" such as union members, people who wear "O" buttons, hacky-sack enthusiasts, and the dead

7. Democrats gushing that their primary fight was finally comprised of a "civil discussion" between one candidate pushing liberal solutions and another candidate pushing slightly different liberal solutions

6. Many Democrats found voting easier than usual due to fact they had become unemployed during the Summer of Recovery, presaging high turnout in November

5. Both candidates in bellwether election fully agree we "can't afford to go back to same failed policies of Bush Administration"

4. Democrats taking comfort in old political truism, "As go the affluent liberal suburbs northeast of Boulder, Colorado, so goes the nation"

3. Some party officials are taking a "closer look" at a previously unheard-of write-in candidate who received 8,334 votes, a Mr. You All Suck

2. Democrats "extremely pleased" that all voter intimidation and voter fraud was conducted by Democrats, for Democrats

...and the Number One Other "Breakthrough" In Democrats' Incredible Victory In Their Own Primary...

1. 75% of all voters casting votes in Democratic primary "pretty sure" Obama born in United States

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posted by Ace at 02:52 PM

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