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August 10, 2010

Meet The Candidate: Alaska Edition?

OK, from the "Extra 5 Minutes of Fame" category, we've got THIS story about a single dad former high school sports star who goes back to his hometown to run for mayor to "make his son proud of him". Or, as we say here in Iowa....a high school dropout starf&*ker who knocked up his high school girlfriend & abandoned her and his infant son to schmooze his way around Hollywood with Kathy Griffin while desperately taking shots at his almost-mother-in-law to try and prolong his alloted 15 minutes.

Yes, that's right. Levi Johnston is back in the news. No, he didn't get arrested in a bus station bathroom for "indecent exposure". No, he didn't get arrested for domestic abuse for whacking his current girlfriend in the melon with a hubcap. No, this is even better than all that. Apparently, Levi's going to be moving back to his hometown of Wasilla, AK and letting a reality show crew follow him around while he runs for the job of Mayor of Wasilla, which comes up for grabs in 2012.

Hey, didn't Wasilla have another famous mayor? One who gave birth to Levi's babymomma? And ran for VP on the Republican ticket 2 years ago? And who provided 99.999% of the reflected fame that Levi has been basking in lately. But don't forget....this show is ALL about Levi, not that ignorant Republican Snowbilly Quitter/Slut.

My thoughts? Well, think about how tired you are of hearing about the Wacky Antics of this sub-genius. Now picture all the residents of Wasilla, who've known him one hell of a lot longer than we have. Yeah, this should go over like a warm case of New Coke in the Runaway Weather Balloon with Star Wars Kid AND the "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" androgyne. We're not just in "Heavens Gate" territory here; this is full on Caddyshack 2. Shit, this is Slap Shot 2.

I can't help thinking about the old "Joe Schmo" reality show on Spike TV, where clueless contestants were placed in fake reality shows where EVERYONE else is an actor and in on the gag. Could this be history repeating itself? If this show wasn't the chance for some granola-chewing Hollywood douchenozzles to take weekly shots at Sarrahcuda, I'd say it's fairly likely; but, sadly, I think it's for real.

Levi, if your manager is reading this to you, may I make one suggestion? Kathy Griffin. You do realize that she's famous for hanging with a FABULOUS gay posse, right? You think she might know something about your career prospects (cough, cough, GAY PORN, cough) that you haven't realized yet? But hey, don't let me harsh your buzz. You're doing a bang up job with your life so far. Might as well keep swinging away, Tiger.

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posted by Russ from Winterset at 10:37 PM

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